What Is Pansexual? Here’s How It’s Different From Being Bisexual
An expert explains what it means to have the capacity to be attracted to people regardless of gender.
The range of sexual identities keeps expanding, and lately, we've been hearing a lot about pansexuality. Over the past few years, celebrities like Miley Cyrus and Janelle Monaé have come out as pansexual. On June 3, Variety published a cover story on model and actress Cara Delevingne, 27, who said that she identifies as pansexual. "I always will remain, I think, pansexual," she said in her interview. "However one defines themselves, whether it’s ‘they’ or ‘he’ or ‘she,’ I fall in love with the person—and that’s that. I’m attracted to the person."
In July 2019, Instagram influencer Tess Holliday told Nylon that she identifies as pansexual. After she was asked if she was bisexual, she replied, "'Thank you so much for asking. I've been thinking a lot about my relationship to my own queerness, and I think the word pansexual speaks to me more than bi does.'"
So what exactly does the term pansexual mean, and who are pansexuals sexually and/or romantically attracted to? We asked an expert for insight.
RELATED: Here’s What It Means to Identify as Ecosexual
Pansexuality means that you might find yourself attracted to a person regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. “It can feel strange because we still don’t hear about it that often, but I tell my pansexual patients that they are lucky, because they can love everyone and anyone. Pansexuals are attracted to the person, not their physical form,” Holly Richmond, PhD, a sex therapist in New York City, tells Health.
"Pan" is the Greek word for all, so a pansexual could be sexually and/or romantically interested in any person of all identities.
For example, pansexuals can be sexually and/or romantically attracted to someone who is transgender, non-binary, or gender fluid, explains Richmond. While anyone can be pansexual, its more likely to be seen in people who are already members of the LGBTQ+ community, she adds.
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“You can see it with anyone of any gender identity, but it’s more common for people who are already open-minded to different forms of sexual expression,” she says.
Pansexual people can sometimes think that they are just bisexual, says Richmond. It can take time for them to realize that their sexual orientation is all-encompassing. Of course, just because a pansexual person has the capacity to be attracted to a wider range of partners isn't the same as being promiscuous.
“Pansexuals have the ability to love all people and don’t look at gender as being the most important aspect,” Richmond says. “They look at personality traits versus the package they come in.”
Why Childhood Trauma (of Any Kind) Has Such a Huge Impact on Your Sex Life
A new study shows your sex life can be effected by not only sexual abuse, but many types of childhood trauma.
The #MeToo movement has encouraged people to talk about how childhood sexual abuse can have a huge impact on a person's adult sex life. But it turns out that other types of childhood trauma can take a toll on sex later in life as well.
A new study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy surveyed 410 people who were in sex therapy at the time. They were asked about their sex lives, childhoods, levels of psychological distress, and how mindful they consider themselves to be. The results showed that people who experienced childhood trauma tended to be less satisfied with their sex lives than those who didn't.
What's interesting here is that the study defines childhood trauma as not only sexual abuse but also as parental neglect, exposure to aggressive or emotionally abusive behavior between parents, being bullied or put down by peers, and more.
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Here's where psychological distress and mindfulness come in: The survey also found, perhaps unsurprisingly, that people with childhood trauma suffered more daily psychological distress (think moments of worry or anxiety). Heightened psychological distress correlated with lower mindfulness (meaning less of a focus on the present moment), and that difficulty to stay mindful led to
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"Psychological distress (i.e., depression, anxiety, irritability, cognitive impairments) may encourage the use of avoidance strategies to escape from suffering or unpleasant psychological states, which may in turn diminish attentiveness and awareness of what is taking place in the present moment," the researchers wrote in the paper.
"The numbing of experience or low dispositional mindfulness may diminish survivors' availability and receptiveness to pleasant stimuli, including sexual stimuli, therefore leading to a sex life perceived as empty, bad, unpleasant, negative, unsatisfying, or worthless," they continued.
Holly Richmond, PhD, a certified sex therapist in New York City, tells Health that this is something she often sees in her practice, and she thinks it might be because trauma survivors are subconsciously always in fight, flight, or freeze mode.
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"Most people know about fight or flight, but the most common response for children is actually freeze," Dr. Richmond says. "There's hardly ever a time when a child is going to outfight an adult. With fleeing, how fast can they really run? But freeze can mean literally just laying there until it's over or completely dissociating."
Unfortunately, that dissociation can follow us into adulthood, and our subconscious can trigger it even when we're experiencing something that's supposed to be positive, like sex. "You never know what the trigger is going to be," Richmond says.
Also, because this is taking place subconsciously, many people have no idea why they're freezing up, and they get extremely frustrated with themselves. "We're so hard on ourselves," Dr. Richmond says, "so having an awareness of it can really help."
"I have my clients look around themselves and say out loud, 'I'm safe. Right now I'm safe,' Richmond explains, when she's treating patients who were traumatized as children. "There was a time in their childhood that they weren't safe, but my mantra is, 'That was then. This is now.' The trauma was then. We know where that is; it's in the past. This is now. Look around yourself. Are you safe? Almost 100% of the time the answer is yes."
Jill Duggar Dillard has the key to marital bliss!
The 28-year-old Counting On star, who has been married to husband Derick Dillard since 2014, opened up about her sex life in a recent blog post on the Dillard Family website, in the hopes of encouraging couples not to let the “fire in your marriage” die.
Jill writes that it’s imperative to have sex often, writing, “you both need this time together regularly (3-4 times a week is a good start).”
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“When you may not be able to actually have intercourse for a period of time or for health issues, find other ways to have fun and be intimate,” Jill explains.
She adds, “Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone. Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting!”
Jill also suggests getting “new lingerie (online is an easy way to buy!) as a surprise gift for birthdays, holidays, vacations or whenever.”
The Counting On star even advises couples to seek help “if you’re struggling with sex with your spouse.”
“See a doctor and/or licensed counselor and don’t be afraid to get second opinions,” she adds.
woman celebrity health wellbeing pregnancy jill-duggar
CREDIT: JILL DUGGAR/INSTAGRAM
Jill explains her reason for speaking out on the matter is because she got “so tired of people saying when we were just getting to know each other, and then as newlyweds too, was stuff like, ‘Oh you just wait’… or… ‘You’re just in that newlywed phase.'”
However, the TLC star does admit that a fading intimacy is common, writing, “I do realize that sometimes things may change slightly due to life changes (e.g. kids, work schedules, etc.), one thing I think we need to recognize is that the fire in your marriage doesn’t have to die out! But like a fire, sometimes, and more so during some seasons than others, you need to be intentional, proactive and work hard to keep the fire going.”
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“I don’t claim to know everything about marriage, or to be presenting some solve-all advice, and I’m only really speaking to wives here, but I hope you find some of these tips to be encouraging,” Jill admits.
In addition to her bedroom tips, Jill encourages couples to be “open about everything: past, present and future.”
Jill writes, “You need to be able to trust each other with the easy and the hard! Secrets are seeds for destruction.”
She also says to “pray and fast for your husband,” encourage him and speak up when “they hurt you… or else the problem will just linger and you may suffer unnecessarily and resentment might build up.”
woman celebrity health wellbeing pregnancy jill-duggar
CREDIT: JILL DUGGAR/INSTAGRAM
Jill also suggests that wives should “look nice” for their husband, be open about “money and spending habits,” “let him know you miss him,” “call him by a fun or sweet name” and give him an excited greeting when he comes home after work.
“Run to him,” Jill writes. “If the kids are gone, have fun with it! Be crazy with your hubby! If your kids are there, get them excited about daddy coming home and make sure distractions are put away for a bit, so everyone greets him at the door!”
Jill and Derick, 30, share two children — sons Isreal David, 4, and Samuel Scott, 1.
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Practicing what she preaches, Jill raved over Derick earlier this month after he c