Although the emphasis has been on addiction, this article is more about exploring a personality trait established very e

Author : uslimani.cidoz
Publish Date : 2021-01-07 13:06:52


Word usage: I’m going to use the term “good kid” loosely here. It isn’t meant as a moral judgment. It’s just the easiest shorthand I could find for a kid that strives to follow the rules that adults and society set out for them.

The less embarrassing, but most dangerous method was to drink “normally” during a function and then just going home and drink a bunch alone afterward. This established a dangerous pattern of drinking to excess while alone.

The reason is pretty clear in my head. It was actually because I didn’t rebel. I wasn’t a rulebreaker. I tried to follow the rules publicly. I didn’t want people to know I drank more than them. And this led to secrecy.

I’ll share some of the key moments that I now can see after much reflection. The weird thing is that it was impossible to see this at the time. I actually still have a serious problem with hiding stuff that doesn’t matter at all.

Pregaming is pretty common, which is why it has a name. The key difference is that many people do it as a group and are open about it. They’re almost proud of it. I did it secretly and didn’t want anyone to know.

This secrecy pattern continued on and on. It just became what I did. I didn’t see it as a problem at the time. I rationalized that I was still drinking within the normal range, I just didn’t want people to judge me.

Another way people think of this narrative is that strict parenting leads to rebellion once the kid moves away, and this pent up rebellion explodes all at once — causing problematic use of drugs (movies usually add in sex as well).

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year after another prominent A.I. ethicist, Meredith Whittaker, publicly resigned from Google, saying she and others had faced internal retaliation for helping to organize employee walkouts. Whittaker’s recent interview with Alex Kantrowitz about political power in tech is worth reading.

The good kids are the ones that go wild once they no longer have to follow the rules. The idea is that we (I count myself among them) secretly desired to be breaking all the rules the whole time. We just needed an outlet to do it.

You’ve probably guessed already how I tried to achieve this, especially if you’re anything like me. I would simply drink before a social function (pregaming). This way I could have the same number as everyone else, but secretly I’d have way more.

The most embarrassing way I hid my drinking was the secret drink at a social function. I’d offer to pour someone a drink. If I was alone, I could just have a whole extra drink while away. I also used the technique of just doubling the alcohol in my own mixed drink.

This secrecy was one of many roots of my problematic relationship with alcohol. Good kids want to keep appearing as if they are good, so they hide their rulebreaking. Once we start hiding how much we drink, that web of lies and secrecy starts to spread through many aspects of our lives, driving us back to more alcohol.

The part that I can’t seem to wrap my head around, even to this day, is that no one would have cared. No one would have noticed. Everyone was getting drunk at these things, and so there was no reason to try to hide what I was doing.

This is the narrative, and maybe there’s some truth to it. But I think people get the cause wrong. I was a good kid who didn’t drink until I was an adult. In fact, I waited until it was legal just to keep following the rules.

As you see, these are all essentially the opposite of the standard narrative about good kids going wild. The standard narrative is that the rebellion is public and well-known to all. It’s a flaunting of their rulebreaking.



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