I would say that I liked the taste of beer, or that I needed to unwind, but the real point of my drinking was to get as
In a way, this is nice to realize, because it makes my options crystal clear. When I first quit drinking, I used to wish that I could learn to moderate my alcohol intake instead of abstaining entirely. I dreamed about being able to drink without having it overrun my life. That dream doesn’t fit with the way that I actually interact with alcohol though.
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u want to obtain, if you want to be a backend developer in Java make sure to have all the relevant skills, frameworks, and certificates as visible as possible, you can mention everything else but make sure they don’t distract from the picture you want to send.Black people who have such light skin that they are mistaken for white people are called “passers.” (The full term is white-passing, though my ex-girlfriend never used that word). My ex-girlfriend’s grandmother was a passer. This light skin tone caused a bit of a stir during a traffic stop years ago, when a police officer believed her to be a white woman in a car with a Black man (her husband) at a time when it was illegal in some states for a Black person to marry a white person.
Even after years sober, I still can’t really understand the mindset of a non-addict. When I felt the small effects of the first beer or two of a night, I could never resist the urge to keep going.
It didn’t occur to me until after I got sober to start questioning why I wanted to get so drunk each time. As a heavy drinker, I wasn’t even fully aware of how abnormal it was.
When I was newer to sobriety, I might have been disappointed by this realization. These days, it doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve discovered how fulfilling a life with no alcohol can be, and I know that I’m not really missing out at all.
Particularly since the murder of George Floyd’s, white people’s anti-racist social media posts have ballooned. My ex-girlfriend was, at best ambivalent to “solidarity by tweet” because these white people are tweeting from the comforts of their home — but doing nothing else for racial justice. To make racial justice and change a reality takes work — and activism — and that won’t happen while you’re sitting behind a computer screen.
When I try to imagine drinking just a beer or two, and nothing more, it still sounds like it would be impossible. These days, I almost never get cravings for alcohol, but I can visualize exactly how instantly my first beer would turn those cravings right back on.
My only real choices are continuing to abstain from alcohol completely, or giving up on sobriety and ending up drinking until I get wasted every night. That middle ground of drinking just one or two is not a realistic middle ground for someone with my psychology.
My ex-girlfriend, for example, is widely known in government, but many of the people only know her by phone or email. She once recounted an experience where she showed up for a rare in-person meeting of a working group. Upon her arrival at a meeting for the working group that she chaired she was greeted with a suspicious “May I help you?” from a colleague that knew her well — if only by phone. Once my ex-girlfriend self-identified herself, the suspicion disappeared — but she walked away from the meeting knowing that her coworker had always assumed that she was white because my ex-girlfriend doesn’t talk the way some white people believe that all Black people talk.
When I was newer to sobriety, I might have been disappointed by this realization. These days, it doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve discovered how fulfilling a life with no alcohol can be, and I know that I’m not really missing out at all.
There’s a scene early in The Crown’s wildly popular fourth season, where Princess Diana meets her royal in-laws. She’s barely out of her teens and suffers from profound insecurity and anxiety; until she met Prince Charles, she was working as a part-time kindergarten teacher. Now she stands face-to-face with the most powerful people in the country—and they hate her. They stand around her in a circle, like wolves closing in on a wounded deer. They talk over her every time she speaks. She’s supposed to have memorized a complicated hierarchy of titles and greetings, and they mock her every time she gets something wrong, which is often. The camera whirls around Diana, watching the panic attack brewing on her face, until we’re as dizzy and overwhelmed as she is.
As I’ve thought about my drinking habit, I’ve discovered reasons that I might have drunk so much: masking my depression, relieving anxiety, forgetting about bad days at work. But when I was actually in the midst of drinking, I was never thinking about the “why.” I just knew that I wanted to drink as much as I could.
Now that I’ve spent more time thinking and learning about drinking, I know that there are plenty of non-addicts who enjoy having just one drink. For these people, getting a small buzz is the endgame. For me, it was merely the start of a night.
As my ex-girlfriend explained to me, passers are sometimes encouraged by their families to go through life passing for white. If the people they interact with at work and other aspects of their lives don’t question their supposed whiteness, they are coached not to correct this mistake — since it means they will avoid racism when they apply for jobs, business loans, and home mortgages they might otherwise face. As you can imagine, going through life as a passer can cause a variety of other problems. For example, a passer in a car with a Black person who is not a passer may nevertheless face racism by association, or guilt about their silence.