When I was a kid, I was miserable, hated life, and didn’t think things could improve: I had a traumatic childhood and was teased by other kids for being so “angry.” I knew I couldn’t go the rest of my days with so much negativity, tension, and pain, so I committed to change. And after a decade of studying hundreds of books, journaling thousands of pages, and testing countless strategies, I was able to reinvent my life to be happier than I’ve ever been.

https://www.cmaeurope.org/vos/vide-c-v-b4.html
https://www.cmaeurope.org/vos/vide-c-v-b09.html
https://www.cmaeurope.org/vos/vide-buf-bill-v-indi-colts-nF9.html
https://www.cmaeurope.org/vos/vide-buf-bill-v-indi-colts-nfl.html
https://www.cmaeurope.org/vos/vide-buf-bill-v-indi-colts-nX.html
https://www.iveycases.com/kpf/vid-bu-bil-v-in-col-00.html
https://www.iveycases.com/kpf/vid-bu-bil-v-in-col-01.html
https://www.iveycases.com/kpf/vid-bu-bil-v-in-col-nF.html
https://www.iveycases.com/kpf/vid-bu-bil-v-in-col-0.html
https://www.iveycases.com/kpf/vid-bu-bil-v-in-col-n.html
https://www.iveycases.com/kpf/videos-Seah-v-Rams-tvs.html
https://www.iveycases.com/kpf/videos-Seah-v-Rams-tvs-0.html
https://www.iveycases.com/kpf/videos-Seah-v-Rams-tvs-01.html
https://www.willseyeonline.org/dox/vide-buf-bill-v-indi-colts.html
https://www.willseyeonline.org/dox/vide-buf-bill-v-indi-colts-n.html
https://www.willseyeonline.org/dox/vide-buf-bill-v-indi-colts-n11.html
https://www.willseyeonline.org/dox/vide-buf-bill-v-indi-colts-nf.html
https://www.willseyeonline.org/dox/videos-Seah-v-Rams-tvs-n.html
https://www.willseyeonline.org/dox/videos-Seah-v-Rams-tvs-nf.html
https://www.willseyeonline.org/dox/videos-Seah-v-Rams-tvs-nfl.html

I’ve been guilty of this too. But it only took me further away from happiness. Because the need to be “perfect” tends to lead to depression, anxiety, and burnout.

I was chasing an imaginary standard of “perfection,” one that will never be attained because my definition of perfection will always change. Yet who I am as a person is constant. There is no level of achievement that will make me more worthy as a person.

Sure, I can improve my communication skills, be more tolerant of others, be kinder, be more patient, be less judgmental, and more, but I don’t believe personal development makes me a better person.

After all, was I “worse” of a person before I learned those skills? Or am I “better” than people who don’t do personal development? Hell no. Nowadays, I don’t pursue personal development to become a “better person,” but simply to improve certain life skills and create better results.

To eliminate the tendency to prove myself, I regularly ask:

• If I could never tell a single person about my achievements, would I still pursue them?
• If my journey of self-improvement doesn’t make me a “better” person, would I still do it?

By removing my chase for an imaginary standard of excellence, I did things purely for enjoyment and love, which made it a lot easier to be happy.

5. Remove My Attachments

Some people believe they can’t be happy until they have certain things — wealth, health, relationships, possessions, etc. But that doesn’t hold up under psychology.

When we achieve something and feel happy, we quickly adapt, and lose that happiness — we then try to achieve something else, and the cycle repeats, creating what’s called the “hedonic treadmill.”

Ultimately, if they can’t be happy without those things, then they can’t be happy with them. That’s not to say you should never try to achieve anything in life. Instead, I try to reach goals without making my happiness depend on them — in other words, without attaching my happiness to them. It creates far more freedom, ease, and peace. And if I ever happened to lose what I had, I won’t be as devastated because it was never the source of my happiness in the first place.

This also includes my attachment to life itself. Being scared of death and my mortality led me to hold onto my life with a death grip. Once I released that attachment, happiness came with it.

While some might feel that thinking about death or mortality causes sadness or “nihilism,” in reality, it can actually give people a deeper appreciation and gratitude for the joys, pleasures, and opportunities they do have.