You might notice that your partner has habits that create space between you. Maybe it is playing video games, checking t
If this person is committed to healing, though, they can also be our greatest teacher. If they are committed to healing and desire a secure relationship, the path to love can be challenging and difficult for them, and they will require a great deal of love and patience.
When they do talk about their childhood, the left brain orientation may mean they have an easier time recalling facts than they do their emotional experiences. They may even let you know that they had a “really nice childhood,” especially if they have not started the process of healing their attachment wound.
I’ve heard many writers say they prefer writing in the morning. I think there’s something to be said about allowing yourself to write early in the day, before your mind is filled with other thoughts.
Growing up, eye contact with caregivers may not have been a pleasant experience for someone with an avoidant attachment style. Meeting their gaze could mean being met with hostility, anger, rejection, or critique and in order to protect themselves, they learned early to avoid eye contact. They may also have learned strategies that make it appear they are making eye contact, such as gazing at your chin or nose, which can be more difficult to notice.
Whereas those with an anxious attachment style have an abundance of right-brain activity, those with an avoidant attachment style have an overactivity in their left brain. To make things simple — the left brain is the “thinky,” analytical, or methodical, side of our brain, and the right brain is “feely,” intuitive, and responsible for helping us connect with others.
Being in a relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style can be triggering for many of us, particularly those of us with an anxious attachment style. It can leave us questioning whether or not this person loves and cares about us. The most heartbreaking thing is that even though they are experts at keeping people out, the desire for love and connection is still there.
This one may be less obvious unless you are someone who needs and enjoys eye contact while communicating. If you are someone who wants more eye contact, remember that demanding eye contact can be distressing for someone with an avoidant attachment style in a way that the rest of us may not understand.
Side note: I’ve been accumulating these poems, and maybe someday, will have a collection of poetry to publish! Many Medium publications also accept poetry, so this is something else that can be shared on Medium.
These folks tend to be logical and factual and this can become glaringly clear if you ever get into a conflict with someone with this attachment style. I often tell my partner that getting into an argument with him feels a lot like an interaction that may take place in the courtroom between me and an effective lawyer. You may feel like, especially during conflict, your feelings don’t matter and instead, your words are being picked apart. In the same breath, you may notice they are gifted when it comes to problem-solving and thinking objectively which can come in handy for navigating many of life’s challenges.
For more information, I highly recommend checking out The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships by Diane Poole Heller, Ph.D. Her book dives deeper into all of the attachment styles and provides exercises to help all of us move to a more secure style of attachment.
Their early experiences can lead to them viewing others as overly dependent. If they have managed to become self-sufficient, why aren’t we? When avoiding their childhood pain allows them to identify with values of independence and autonomy, why change? This way of being may make it difficult for someone with an avoidant attachment style to express empathy or understand that other peoples’ needs are not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of being human.
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ata pipeline being reliable, reliability here also means that the data transformed and transported by the pipeline is also reliable — which means to say that enough thought and effort has gone into understanding engineering