Want Healthier Relationships? Listen To Jane Fonda

Strong attachment, powerful triggers, and past trauma can all make it difficult to know when to stay and when it’s time to go.
Of all the advice I’ve read over the years (and all the advice I’ve written), it came as a surprise that the best piece of advice I read came not from a therapist, researcher, or relationship expert but from an actor and activist.
Jane Fonda was quoted as saying, “If you don’t feel seen, safe or celebrated, get out.”

https://flushsatu2121.medium.com/the-girl-who-abused-me-messaged-me-on-facebook-20-years-later-heres-our-story-3a5c80ba6cbf

I can’t think of any better advice when it comes to judging the health of our relationships. These three simple concepts can tell us a lot about our relationships.

https://blog.goo.ne.jp/yamashita/e/870c6694a7c2651112d385d1dbc0c8ce

Does the person we’re with get us? Have we allowed them to see who we really are — including our flaws? Do they love us for who we really are — or for some grandiose idea of who they think we should be?
This one tripped me up in my last relationship. Having never been in a healthy relationship, I was flattered at first by his admiration. I quickly realized, however, that he had put me up on a pedestal — a perfect position for me to fall in his esteem.
And, boy, did I ever fall! When he realized I wasn’t actually perfect, he began to take shots at who I was all along even though I had never hidden my true self. I couldn’t measure up to his original idea, and I wasn’t seen and admired for who I actually was.
Being seen is powerful, and if the one we’re with can’t see us, they aren’t the one for us at all.

http://network-marketing.ning.com/profiles/blogs/y-514

Safety may make us think immediately of abuse, which is a factor, but safety is more than our physical and mental well-being. Do we feel safe enough to be vulnerable? Can we disagree without encountering disrespect? Do we feel like we can trust them with our joys as well as our sorrows?
My longest relationship was not a safe one. I couldn’t be who I really was without criticism. I couldn’t share my deepest pain without it being used against me. I couldn’t even trust that he wouldn’t mislead other people about me to his own benefit.
That last one was a surprise. By the time we broke up, his family and friends were sure that I was a controlling monster because he’d used me as an excuse over the years for everything he didn’t want to do. Even my reputation wasn’t safe with him. It was more convenient that they believed me to be controlling rather than to admit that he simply didn’t want to accept their invitations.
Safety can also indicate the environment of the relationship. Broken plates, fists through walls, and raised voices are also signs that we are not in a safe situation. It doesn’t always look like a punch in the face or a coercive sexual experience. Often, it’s an environment of hostility that exists when we ever dare to be human.

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https://green360.instructure.com/eportfolios/87947/Home/2_CHINESE_2020HDThe_Croods_A_New_Age

https://tanjirokamado.hatenablog.com/entry/2021/01/02/010705

https://blog.goo.ne.jp/yamashita/e/870c6694a7c2651112d385d1dbc0c8ce

http://beterhbo.ning.com/profiles/blogs/6409057:BlogPost:571154

http://korsika.ning.com/profiles/blogs/20-9

https://www.peeranswer.com/social/group/56abd9b49c8b915d2a97f809

http://millionairex3.ning.com/profiles/blogs/20-7

This is, perhaps, the most important quality of all. Many of us have heard the word “love” so often that it has become nearly meaningless — especially when it has come with feeling neither safe nor seen. Our relationships should celebrate us.
We should feel as if our partner celebrates who we are, celebrates our relationship, and feels proud to have us in their lives. We should feel as if we’re something they count as a part of their good things rather than another chore on their to-do list of obligations.
But this advice goes so far beyond romantic relationships. It should extend to platonic and familial ones as well. Even work relationships.
We all deserve to be celebrated — not for who we could be but for who we actually are. To be seen. To be safe. To be celebrated.
If we want healthier relationships in our lives, Jane Fonda gifts us with this perfect advice.