We all have certain areas of our lives where we’d like to feel more confident:

• Maybe you wish you were confident enough to speak up more often at work and express yourself.
• Maybe you want to be more confident in dating and romance.
• Or maybe you wish you had enough confidence to finally start that new business you’ve been dreaming of.

And while everybody knows what it feels like to lack confidence, here’s the thing most people don’t realize about how confidence works:

Feeling confident is often about what you do less of, not more of.

Specifically, many of us have subtle habits in our lives that chip away at our self-confidence and add to our insecurities.

If you can learn to identify and eliminate these confidence-killing habits, you’ll find that you’re naturally more confident than you realize.

1. Trusting Your Emotions

The core dilemma when it comes to confidence is that your feelings override your values.

For example:

• You want to ask that cute guy out (value), but you feel anxious and self-conscious (feelings). So you keep talking to your friends, the moment slips by, and your opportunity is gone.
• A great idea occurs to you during your weekly meeting and you want to share it with your boss (value), but you immediately start worrying that she’ll think it’s silly or dumb (feeling). So you keep quiet and don’t mention it.

One way to look at these examples is that if you had felt more confident, you would have been able to act on your values.

The trouble with this is that you don’t have direct control over how you feel: you can’t just make yourself feel confident anymore than you can make yourself feel happy or in love.

Feeling confident comes from acting on your values despite feeling afraid.

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