A friend once told me about how her dad cheated on her mom. I was shocked, mostly because her parents were still togethe

Anderson captured both the coming phenomenon of the Long Tail and offered a playbook for taking advantage of it, which attracted broad interest, especially among internet entrepreneurs — basically, an upside for anyone who wasn’t going to win by being in the “hits” business.

On top of having anger issues, my college boyfriend also refused to believe he was anything less than a god waking this planet. It probably didn’t help that I was a twenty-year-old, enamored to be dating an actor/model.

By seeing this pervasive phenomenon so clearly, spelling out its practical implications for businesses and consumers, and giving it a catchy name, Anderson helped make “The Long Tail” a buzzword, and earned a spot in TIME magazine’s 2007 list of the world’s 100 most influential people. (In it Malcolm Gladwell described the concept as “a Truly Big Idea.”)

Sometimes I wish he could know what the pain I carry in me is like, but at the same time, I appreciate having a person who is my safe space. And my boyfriend couldn’t be that for me if he didn’t have empathy for my feelings.

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for Kevin, the $400-million-net-worth founder, to get negative feedback. He has figured out workarounds — like having people rate his public speaking on a scale from 1 to 10 — with ‘7’ eliminated from the scale. This way, he says, people can’t be neutral.

Humility is an admirable quality because it’s a person’s ability to admit they’re not above other people, including you. If your partner thinks they’re somehow better than you, then the relationship dynamics will be skewed in your favor. Over time, that inequality will start to wear on you.

When someone feels empathy for you, they can put themself in your shoes and see things from your perspective. A great life partner will take your feelings into consideration and make choices based on them.

My current boyfriend and I grew up with wildly different life experiences. He comes from a solid family: two loving parents and a little brother. He hasn’t experienced any hardships, aside from the loss of a family dog or two.

And while my boyfriend can’t understand how those experiences affected me, he tries. He listens to the stories I tell him and holds me while I cry. If there’s something he doesn’t understand, he’ll ask questions.

But instead of getting help with his wife or weathering the storm, he slept the neighbor down the street. It took years for her mom to build trust back up and for her dad to learn how to talk about his feelings, rather than resort to other, unhealthy means.

On the other hand, I don’t have a close relationship with my family. I struggle with depression. I had two eating disorders that consumed six years of my life. I’ve been physically and sexually abused.

These questions can help you move past talk that’s surface-level. You can dive deeper into someone’s mind and see how willing or able they are to talk about their emotions.

I’m not saying people who can’t express their emotions will cheat. But what I am saying is, people who can’t put to words what they’re experiencing are more likely to channel those feelings into other actions.

Finding a person who can talk about their feelings or work on getting better at expressing them is like striking gold. Because life is difficult. Hard times happen. And having someone who communicates those experiences will help you both grow together rather than grow apart.

A big red flag that someone can’t understand your experiences (or doesn’t want to) is how much they ask you questions about yourself. By talking about another person’s experiences, they have to understand what you went through to keep the conversation going.