“Adult relationships are not like parent-child relationships,” Margie says. “When a parent loves a child, it really is u

“The importance of the relationship always took precedence over everything else. The relationship is like the queen bee. Nothing else matters. Protect the queen. Even if I was resolute, ‘I am right and she is wrong,’ I was like, ‘Is it really important enough to cause a fracture?’ And it wasn’t. Ever.”

Your relationship will never be the only thing that matters in your life, but you’ll face situations in which you must decide that it matters more than anything else. Margie confirms:

“You put the ‘We’ above the ‘I.’ At a certain point, you’re willing to say, ‘Even though I’m angry, even though I’m hurt, this “We” is the cup that we both drink from, and we want to keep it filled. If I’m vengeful or spiteful, I’m not going to have anything to drink. So let’s keep nourishing this cup.’”

Whatever problem you have in your relationship, when you talk about it, you’re already working on it. Bring up important issues. The trick here is to realize that anything is mentionable, as Mr. Rogers would say:

Note: Most PaaS databases these days provide the ability to create read replicas (Google Cloud SQL, Azure SQL DB, Amazon RDS, etc.) of the data stores which help to achieve replications of data much easier.

Margie’s hero is Mr. Rogers, who, for over 30 years, taught children about feelings, rationality, and relationships through his TV show. Her favorite quotes of his is that, “if it’s mentionable, it’s manageable.” In other words:

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.”

Say you’re building an application that requires you to store data in a database like MySQL/PostgreSQL etc. As everyone knows, when writing data into the data store, an operation needs to take several steps — like validation, model, and persistence — and hence typical write/update operations take longer than the simple read operations.

Models that use these kinds of layers combined with convolutional layers, obtain optimal results when self-attention is used in the later layers of the model. In fact, in On the Relationship between Self-Attention and Convolutional Layers, it is shown that the inductive biases learned by self-attention layers used early in the model resemble the ones that convolutions have by default.

“If you live in the woods, and you get familiar with your neighborhood, you’re like, ‘Oh, this is a place where there’s a snake. This is a place where there’s poison ivy. This is a place where I’ll trip over this log every single time and sprain my ankle.’ Eventually, you’re just like: ‘Oh, I can avoid all these things.’”

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defense mechanism, ask yourself if you can do better next time, avoid the wrongful attitude, and make a better decision for everyone’s good (not only yours). According to the article published in Psychology Today, defense mechanisms are “unconscious strategies whereby people protect themselves from anxious thoughts or feelings.”

Some works have already presented ways to overcome this problem, such as Axial-DeepLab, where they compute attention along the two spatial axis sequentially instead of dealing directly with the whole image, making the operation more efficient. Other simpler solutions include processing patches of feature maps instead of the whole spatial dimensions at the cost of having smaller receptive fields (this is done in Stand-Alone Self-Attention in Vision Models). These smaller receptive fields, though, can still be way larger than convolutional kernels.

For Andy, the “stuff that was miserable” led him to marrying Sharleen, a relationship he describes as “so rock solid that I can have this memory lane conversation with my ex-fiancée, and I know we’re not gonna have a fight about this.”

In such cases, the CQRS pattern can be useful. CQRS pattern suggests using different data models for the read and writes operations. Some variations also suggest using separate data stores for these models.

Not pushing your partner’s buttons is a good start, but you’ll also have to let go of bigger issues — as long as they are not more important than the relationship itself. Andy learned this in his relationship with Margie: