Anchors are prized partners because of their emotional maturity. Anchors are not perfect, but they tend to be evolved as

Pleasers are always trying to anticipate and fulfil others’ needs. They feel responsible and guilty when others are unhappy. And they’ll keep giving even when they’re exhausted and resentful because it’s a genuine struggle for them to say no. Pleasers need to learn self-compassion and, if you’re paired with one, you need to help them do so.

Worriers are happiest, and calmest, when life is ticking along as they believe it should and when everyone in their world is doing okay. They like lists and plans — chores to do/what’s for dinner/what’s happening at the weekend — so are often the domestic “organisers”. While this can come across as a little controlling, worriers are often the ones to thank for getting sh*t done.

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is true. Credentialing lulled us into false confidence about who was actually an expert. The fact that you have a degree doesn’t mean you have insight, experience, or concern. You’ve acquired a piece of paper, but that doesn’t mean you care.

Worriers struggle with uncertainty, so they’re easily distracted by what has happened in the past or what could happen in the future. They need security from their partners (which is fair) and certainty from life (which can’t be guaranteed). But, interestingly, they can be surprisingly solid in a crisis because they function well when busy.

Yet even Rodriquez-Gerada’s colossal tribute to those claimed by the pandemic was a fleeting one. The mural had always been designed to be temporary, but because of its popularity, there was a movement to let it stay longer than initially intended. Rodriquez-Gerada says this was sadly logistically impossible because a construction project had begun and the park needed the parking spots the painting occupied.

Society should do more to support people through that process both in terms of the pandemic and beyond it, Shear says. “We’re really ready to move on and to not pay attention to grief in general. So it’s not so surprising that we do that with this also.” She adds, “when someone loses someone close, we tend to say to them, ‘We’re so sorry.’ We take a half a minute to honor their loss and their pain and then we say, ‘Okay, now it’s time to move on.’”

These archetypes are not a scientific classification and they differ from attachment styles (based on attachment theory), in that they’re about relationship behaviour, rather than how we connect with another.

Denckla points to the Good Grief festival in England, a weeklong digital event this fall, where speakers from various disciplines discussed the grieving process, as well as the pandemic. She says this kind of “public acknowledgment of compounded multiple losses and that validation and that acknowledgment can set a foundation for starting to mourn and to grieve and to heal.”

“There are concerns about mental health on many different levels as a result of the pandemic,” Denckla says. “This is from the consequences of necessary social distancing to the financial stress, the socioeconomic stressors, all the compounded stressors. There has not been a concerted public health response to many of the mental health concerns, including grief.”

The week Rodriguez-Gerada created the painting was incredibly windy and it was hard to get the paint he was spraying on the pavement to land properly. Even finding enough paint was difficult, and his team bought out four Home Depots. But these technical aspects weren’t foremost on his mind, instead, he was thinking about Dr. Decoo’s eyes.

So after a few weeks, the area of Queens that Rodriguez-Gerada had transformed into a larger than life symbol of the sorrow and heroism of these strange and awful times became a parking lot again. And the world had one less way of remembering those taken by the coronavirus.

She adds the first step on the road to a better public health response to pandemic grief would be a more robust cultural response. “I think the first thing to do is to acknowledge these things: to acknowledge the loss, to acknowledge the grief, to acknowledge the pain.”

So after a few weeks, the area of Queens that Rodriguez-Gerada had transformed into a larger than life symbol of the sorrow and heroism of these strange and awful times became a parking lot again. And the world had one less way of remembering those taken by the coronavirus.

Pleasers are the givers in relationships. They’re nurturers, they tend to be innately kind: they’ll go out of their way to look after and keep partners, and any kids, happy — along with anyone else they care about. They’ll sacrifice their own needs, dreams and even their health to serve others which leads other (less-giving) souls to take advantage of them — and that can tip the balance in a relationship.

Avoiders struggle with commitment. Even when they’re willingly in a relationship, they’re not 100% In It. They keep one foot out and, sometimes, they’re not even aware they’re doing so. There are several explanations for this. Perhaps they’ve been hurt in a previous relationship and are scared of being burned or rejected again. Maybe they’re not sure of their partner (or anyone). Maybe they want to keep their options open, or they just don’t like (or are scared of) the Forever word. Avoiders can settle down and make good partners though, as long as they have room to breathe — and the door is left open a crack.