Anyone who experiences pain knows this: Pain is real. As real as every other signal we receive and sense we have. Vision

Above is one of several sketches I made during a particularly bad flare-up. Delirious with pain and exhaustion, I decided that there must be a pain organ somewhere making all this pain. If I could just turn it off or find someone to remove it, the pain would end.

We can only talk about pain in terms of itself because there is no language for pain outside of pain. The pain itself is a sense, a feeling that we don’t recognize like seeing and smelling and hearing. Instead of sensing light or chemicals or audio waves, pain is the sense for things that are breaking or being broken, which is happening all the time around us and to us, inside us. Maybe we are feeling the pain of things breaking out there as well and instead of listening and changing or understanding, we ignore and control.

In 2013, an article appeared in the medical journal PAIN detailing a breakthrough in neuroscience that finally described the physiological mechanism behind fibromyalgia pain. What this article makes clear, though, is the consistent assumption that what these women were feeling wasn’t “real” or “rational” until neuroscientists discovered the physical mechanism behind it using biomedical instruments (genetically engineered mice, MRIs, blood tests, etc.).

After a brief remission last fall, I had a pretty terrible flare. The pain was exquisite. (I love that description of pain — as if this particular pain was a masterpiece, a perfection of pain, a fucking Mona Lisa or a three-star Michelin dinner.) I felt like I had the flu, like my bones were breaking. I lost 15 pounds in a month. I had been trying to grow my hair out from a pixie cut, but it would break off somewhere around my ear lobes. I’ve always had thick, wonderful hair, the kind often described as “luxurious,” but it was suddenly sickly too.

For a moment, I felt lighter, brighter, but the pain was still attached to me. Maybe I should have performed some ritual with the cut-off hair, buried or burned it. Maybe I didn’t do enough — that is always the next thought: What could I have done differently to keep the pain away? Or maybe the story I was telling didn’t have an ending (no burning or burying, no ritual), so it keeps going.

Pain — has an Element of Blank — It cannot recollect When it begun — or if there were A time when it was not — It has no Future — but itself — Its Infinite Contain Its Past — enlightened to perceive New Periods — of Pain. — Emily Dickinson

When I began seeking help from doctors for my mysterious symptoms (most of which were invisible, incapacitating pains), my brother, an MD, told me which symptoms to report and which to keep back in order to avoid a “trash can diagnosis” like fibromyalgia. In other words, for my doctor brother and his colleagues, fibromyalgia was simply the diagnostic trash can they threw people, mostly women, into when their symptoms were as nebulous as pain, and signs of their illness were invisible to doctors, lab tests, and imaging technology.

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Sometimes I’ll do a morning yoga session as well, if I’ve got the time. These are a nice and calm way to start the morning. My favourite yoga channel on youtube is Breathe and Flow. I’ve been nursing a shoulder injury for a couple of months so have been unable to do a lot of the yoga moves.

Patients already knew the pain was real, but this discovery is proof that, before it, doctors didn’t fully believe them. There is a long history of women’s pain and ailments being reduced to “psychosomatic” (look up the history of “neurasthenia” for just a taste if you want to know more) or “all in her head.” This is just “female hysteria” all wrapped up in a postmodern package. Here, we’ve gift-wrapped your pain in science and medicine and are selling it back to you in its legitimate, rational form. You’re welcome.

Moving in the morning is so important — for resetting your circadian rhythm, for opening up tight areas, and for activating certain muscles for proper movement throughout the day. Morning movement doesn’t need to be hard, and it doesn’t need to be long. A 5 minute session is all you need to experience the myriad benefits that come with this practice. This session includes:

This is generally the extent of my morning stretches. I like to open up my chest and mid to upper back, and to loosen my hip flexors. The rest of my stretching and rolling comes later in the day.

Doctors’ logic is that patients lie; lab results and imaging don’t. Of course, we know that’s not true either. Lab results are often inconclusive or simply false or they don’t give enough of the picture. For example, although RA factor is tested to determine if a patient has rheumatoid arthritis, 15% to 20% of patients with RA test negative for RA factor, according to Johns Hopkins Medicine. Imaging is often misread by technicians and radiologists, and some tissues are invisible to certain types of imaging.

“Pain isn’t real; it’s just an electrical signal sent from an injured part of the body to the brain.” This is the mantra (or some variation of it) that self-help books tell us to repeat to remind ourselves that the terrible, mind-altering (literally, physically mind-altering) pain we are suffering is not really real pain (by which they mean the pain from an acute injury: a cut, a broken bone, a burn, a heart attack), but only a message we can choose to ignore. But what if it is “real?” What if it is another sense, like vision, that feels something out there or in here that we can’t sense in other ways? A sense for violence. A sense for things that break and cut, burn and penetrate. A sense for things that are breaking in a way we can’t sense otherwise. What would it feel like if the liver was trying to communicate that it was processing too much insulin and failing?

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litary. I can’t count the number of times he said these words to me when I was a kid. Regardless of the warnings, like a lot of people, I still spend an extreme amount of time in my head either ruminating over past decisions or worrying about future ones.