As it turns out, the mind can’t distinguish between imagination and reality. When you have a thought, it triggers the sa

If my self-projection incorporates, among other things, that of someone in a romantic relationship, the moment I meet and start dating someone who has all the characteristics I have always imagined in my ideal partner, I feel happy, and vice versa.

If my self-projection incorporates, among other things, that of a rich professional working in the United States, the moment I get admitted to that top business school in the US makes me happy, as it puts me closer to achieving that self-projection. The opposite is also true: if I get rejected from the school I would feel unhappy as I’m farther from that self-projection.

We post photos on Instagram because we like the feeling of importance we get when people hit that like button. If Instagram was to shut down tomorrow many influencers would rapidly sink into depression, as their main source of importance would disappear (also that’s the reason why Facebook first and Instagram later have become so popular…they give people a chance to feel…important!)

Most of us don’t look the same on social media as we do in real life and that is for a very simple reason: we are trying to project on social media our best self-projection!

“Why is it, for instance, that an orator who knows that he has written a good speech, and has fixed it in his memory, and is bringing an attractive voice to the task, still feels anxious nonetheless? Because he is not content merely to practice his art. What else does he want, then? To receive praise from his audience” — Discourse 2.16, Discourses, Epictetus

Some people are in a relationship only because of the feeling of importance they get from it: all of a sudden that banker or NBA player looks more attractive because of his status and in turn the feeling of importance someone may derive from being exposed to their circle.

If my self-projection incorporates, among other things, that of an athlete finishing top 10 in a marathon, the moment I set a personal record during my training I feel happy because it puts me closer to achieving that self-projection of someone finishing the marathon within a certain time limit. If, however, I keep training and my time keeps getting worse, this will cause a state of unhappiness as I will start to think that I won’t achieve that time I had set for myself and in turn my self-projection.

This topic was vastly popularised by Daniel Carnegie’s 1936 bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People. Nevertheless, an array of philosophers before him elaborated on the topic. A few examples:

‘‘Believe me, Socrates. You have only to look at humankind’s love of honour and you will be surprised at your absurdity regarding the matters I have just mentioned, unless you think about it and reflect how strongly people are affected by the desire to become famous and to lay up immortal glory for all time. For the sake of this they are prepared to run risks even more than for their children — spend their money, endure any kind of suffering, even die in the cause. [..] I think that it is for the sake of immortal fame and this kind of glorious reputation that everyone strives to the utmost, and the better they are the more they strive: for they desire what is immortal” — Discourse of Diotima to Socrates, Symposium, Plato

All else equal, we choose company X over company Y if company X has a more prestigious brand, because it makes us feel more important to work for company X, it elevates our status.

Club privies, VIP areas, backstage passes are popular because they allow people to feel more important than those standing in general admission or crammed on the dance floor.

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to be professional and seamless. I use Kajabi to host my courses. But again, all these popular platforms for hosting courses will do. No matter what you do, don’t get hung up on tools. It’s just like smartphones, they all have the same features. Just pick one you like.

We buy a Ferrari or a fancy classic car because we like the feeling that we get when driving it. We like when people turn to look at us. If all of a sudden all the human beings except you would go extinct (think Will Smith in the movie I Am Legend) you wouldn’t care about what car to drive.

When friends or couples clash that is many times as a consequence of the fact that one of the two is giving less attention to the other, and what is attention if not making someone feel important?

When we are in our late teens/early twenties and start to develop our self-projection, we see a long time ahead of us in order to achieve that image. We live by the bias that ‘we are going to make it one day’. And as we set our mind to achieve goals we anticipate them, we are rewarded with a vicarious pleasure from imagining what it would be like to be that person we see in our mind. After all, us human beings are a naturally optimistic bunch…