As time-management expert Laura Vanderkam writes in her Forge column today, “The upside of acknowledging that you aren’t

They’re the person who would be there in the way your closest and truest friend would — because that’s what love really is. It’s not just a moment. It’s not just dewey-skinned early mornings reveling in the heat of the previous night. It’s not just attraction, it’s not just at the surface, it’s not a temporary fix.

Seriously, there’s nothing wrong with making today the day you binge The Crown (season 4 is great). Or go ahead and feast—but do it without the constraint of the traditional menu. Why bother with the green bean casserole when Aunt Norma is the only one who likes it anyhow, and you’re only seeing her on Zoom? Platter of nachos, anyone?

A second endnote. Much of what I say in this piece I want to credit to the experience of co-teaching a class with Jonathan Knee at the Columbia Business school, and from reading his book “The Curse of the Mogul.”

They are clear with you, and they are certain. They don’t dive too deep or resist too much. They find an effortless footing with you, they show up at the right times, they let you linger and then they remind you that they’re in it for the long-haul. They make you feel like a priority, not an option. They are willing to rearrange their lives to make what they’ve built work within what you have.

They’re not looking for you to save them, and they’re not showing up to save you. They aren’t trying to use you to fill a god-sized hole within them. They aren’t using you at all. It’s just that being around you makes their days light up. Even the simplest of daily tasks become movie moments, even the incompatibilities that you once thought would break you in another relationship, merely require you to bend.

A second endnote. Much of what I say in this piece I want to credit to the experience of co-teaching a class with Jonathan Knee at the Columbia Business school, and from reading his book “The Curse of the Mogul.”

It’s not the person who leaves you looking to stars and signs, it’s not the person who keeps you up until the early morning hours dissecting the meaning of their last messages, it’s not the person who makes you wonder what it is about you that they don’t quite love.

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ifferent kinds of 10x developers that you can fit into quadrants: the selfish kind vs the helpful kind, and the nice approachable kind vs the intimidating kind. If you are among this rare breed of developers, choose which kind you want to be.

They’re the person who would be there in the way your closest and truest friend would — because that’s what love really is. It’s not just a moment. It’s not just dewey-skinned early mornings reveling in the heat of the previous night. It’s not just attraction, it’s not just at the surface, it’s not a temporary fix.

And actually, Griffin’s tip is good advice for any day. If there’s something that has been lingering on your to-do list for days or weeks, maybe you just aren’t going to do it. There’s something liberating in realizing that! Take it off.

She means the extra pumpkin pie or that new Brussels sprouts salad recipe you clipped last week, that—seriously!—nobody will miss. But this year, maybe the thing you take off the menu should be… the turkey? Or the pressure you put on yourself to make things perfect? Or the whole damn thing?

Because the person worth falling in love with is not one you have to dance around until you finally see it’s safe. It’s not the person who leaves you wondering where you stand or where you’ll be. It’s not the person who tells you that the timing is wrong. It’s not the person who is still eager to see what else might be out there.

The kind of person that’s worth falling in love with is someone who more than just a 1 a.m. hookup, more than just a gaze across the room, more than just a few messages peppered through the weekend, more certainty than indecision, more answers than questions.

They’re someone you’d want to spend time around even if you weren’t romantically attached. They’re someone you’d respect if you worked with them. They’re someone you’d admire if you didn’t know them.

This is the kind of person who isn’t going to leave you building a narrative around your attraction, this is the kind of person that wants to write the story with you. This is the kind of person who is so serious about you, they want to be your best friend. This is the kind of person who is willing to show up, not just for dinner on a Friday, but for errands on a Tuesday, the hangover on a Sunday, your family’s get together next week.