At the Rocket Science Group, the creative minds were growing weary of implementing the same feature into their clients’

Unfortunately, running a web design agency proved to be less about your prowess in design and more about how flawless you sounded over the phone. Agencies often attract the most whimsical business, where clients’ opinions replace real KPIs and a soothing voice can be more important than a moving product. Naturally, a group of introverted, caring designers called the Rocket Science Group didn’t thrive in an environment that rewarded appearances over substance.

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ourse name (the headline). You write down the benefits of the course (the subtitle). You write titles for 10–12 lessons you’re going to teach (the subheadings). You write points under each subheading (the body of a blog post). You include a list of takeaways at the end of each lesson (same as blog posts). You finish the course with a conclusion, then you let the students execute.

After getting laid off in 2000, Ben Chestnut resorted to the trade he knew best — designing websites. Over the years, he’d built “about 2 thousand” banner ads for his former employer, Cox newspapers. He knew exactly how to design clickable things online.

Dealing with the fertility problem, cancer and issues at work all at once was the hardest challenge of my life. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t relax, and was constantly on edge. For weeks at a time I had blurred vision. The combination of personal and professional stress was far beyond what I could handle. I hadn’t had a headache in 20-plus years and now I couldn’t go through a full day without experiencing crippling pain in my head. The doctors did two MRIs on my brain to see if the cancer had spread there. After the first MRI, they initially thought it had. After the second they said: “Eleven doctors have looked at this and we have determined it is not cancer.” I assure you that wasn’t as comforting as it may now sound as it begs the question, “why did you need eleven?”

A few weeks later, I started peeing blood, repeatedly. After more tests, the doctors assured me that this latest symptom was also unrelated to my cancer. These symptoms were one-in-a-million flukes. I told my cancer doctor, “I like data. That’s a lot of one-in-a-million flukes”. I now had a six-month-old boy at home, a relentless fear of whether the doctors might have missed something and an ongoing slew of professional challenges to face.

“And I thought… Well, this is our chance to start a company. My business partner and I went out and got clients. We went knocking on doors, down the hall from our office. And we got paying projects. We got a $13,000 project and a $32,000 project. Before even getting a business licence.”

By the end of 2017, I was completely worn out. Then, suddenly, the major professional challenges were done. We got the round done for CircleUp. We raised the fund. The pivot was behind us. My personal obstacles were under better control and we now had an infant boy along with our daughter, who was three at the time. A great board member, Dan, called me to say, “Ryan, I’ve never in my career seen a CEO as worn out as you. Please, you need to take a sabbatical — at least six weeks”. He, and other board members, tried so hard to do the right thing and convince me to take care of myself. But after a lifetime of gritting things out, I told myself I didn’t need to take a break. I think an element of my reaction is what Jerry Colonna calls “false grit” in Reboot.

The question prompted Ben and his team to review the core logic — and the foreseeable future — of their business. A spreadsheet was opened, listing detailed revenues from all of the agency’s projects. It was one of the lines on that spreadsheet that produced the only answer Ben needed to hear. Turns out, one of their internal side-projects was quietly generating more money than all of the agency’s consulting projects, combined.

Anderson says he wishes that recommender systems would get better at surfacing niche content, rather than fueling rich-get-richer effects. Yet, in response to those who point out that we’re living in a world that is more hit-driven than ever, Anderson says people may have gotten excited by the idea that the Long Tail era was the end of the blockbuster — but he never actually said that. He says, “It was the end of the monopoly of the blockbuster.”

The cancer diagnosis became even tougher to deal with because I mistakenly believed I shouldn’t discuss it with others. CircleUp had just gone through our pivot and we were in the middle of raising that first fund and the parent company round. At the time, I worried that the team would use my diagnosis as an excuse to throw in the towel, that my health would become a distraction, cause the company to fail and make things that much worse. I told the board and my co-founder about my diagnosis, but no one else at the company knew. I even hid the information from all but a few friends, fearing that word might get out. In retrospect, I think I would have brought our company closer together by being vulnerable and authentic, and I certainly wouldn’t have felt as lonely.

Two days later, I flew to a work conference in Anaheim, CA while also trying to schedule further tests and treatment. In a 30-minute Uber ride, I told my story multiple times over the phone to multiple administrators at multiple hospitals (for reasons that aren’t relevant to this blog post, my medical case was uniquely and extremely complex). I remember no one said, “I’m sorry” — they just processed the logistics with an icy, clinical precision that is probably required for someone to work in a cancer center. Finally I lost it, shouting, “why aren’t you just saying ‘I’m sorry’ right now?” It wasn’t fair to them, and I’m not proud of it, but I cracked. For the next several months, my emotions would sometimes pour out in a tidal wave of tears and yelling. Anger, frustration, fear, confusion — there were so many feelings to contend with. Throughout the entire Uber ride, my driver hadn’t said a word. But as we pulled up to the hotel and I climbed out, he opened his door, stood up and gave me a hug. He then said: “Hey, I just want you to know I had the same type of cancer. I’m so sorry.”

Anderson says he wishes that recommender systems would get better at surfacing niche content, rather than fueling rich-get-richer effects. Yet, in response to those who point out that we’re living in a world that is more hit-driven than ever, Anderson says people may have gotten excited by the idea that the Long Tail era was the end of the blockbuster — but he never actually said that. He says, “It was the end of the monopoly of the blockbuster.”

I had a successful operation. Since then, I have undergone regular testing several times a year. To this day, I cry every time I go to the cancer center at Stanford. In hindsight I should have seen a psychologist to process what I was going through — the emotional toll was far worse for me than the physical.

But it was hard to turn away from persistence when it has been so crucial to any success I’ve achieved. Grit (along with undeniable privilege) helped get me to where I am even though I have never been the smartest, tallest or most skilled person in the room. When Dan asked me to step back — even just temporarily — I thought about how I had gritted out making the basketball team as a walk-on at Duke just months after double knee surgery and my doctor saying I needed to give up basketball. I thought about how I gritted out getting into business school and securing a job in private equity after being denied by the first 70-plus PE firms I reached out to (even offering my services for free). I thought about what I had said to Rory in 2011 when we were discussing the possibility of launching CircleUp: “I need you to know that I never give up.” Persistence was my superpower. But now I’ve now come to understand that persistence is a double-edged sword, and my decision not to take a break, to not take more off my plate, hurt me, my family and the company. That was the biggest mistake of my career.

Five years passed, and the hamster wheel of unfulfilling client work was about done soothing Ben into a self-employed existence of a stagnating agency owner. The revenues were locked into a stubborn plateau and the team was exhausted by a potent mix of uncertainty and punishing workload. The very meaning of this masochistic lifestyle was put into question.