But being a staff writer had its challenges. It was competitive and everything moved at breakneck speed. (Nothing like a

Calling him anything with the word spouse in it, though? Referring to him that way with co-workers? Kee-keeing about how he’s essentially the replacement of an actual husband? Pass.

Would he be my office husband if we worked in an in-person office? Hell no. But you know what he would be? My friend. I’d totally have lunch with him in real life. Maybe a pre-work coffee or even an after-work drink. The way I do with friends.

But still, I hit him up with tech stuff I’m embarrassed to admit I don’t understand. I let my hair down a bit when we chat. I ask him about stuff that’s not strictly work-related and sometimes he makes me spit take my coffee out with his views on, well, literally anything.

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I’m 47 years old. I’ve been in the workforce in some capacity for 30 years. I have seen a lot of work spouse relationships, including my own. I don’t know of many that didn’t end in — ahem.

We have things in common, from our generation to our career trajectory to our mutual friends. And he understands what it means if I’m struggling to meet a deadline and can give me the tools I need to make it to the finish line.

Most people laugh off the term. “Oh, there’s my work spouse, late again. I should’ve made you breakfast this morning. Hardy-har-har.” But every time you say it, you cement the relationship, whether you want to believe so or not.

Across the hall from my office was my boy D. D and I were platonic friends; he wasn’t my type at all — and vice versa. I thought he was fusty and stodgy. He thought I was reckless and unpredictable. We were both right.

Here’s what I believe: The idea of labeling someone a work spouse — as opposed to just a co-worker or a friend — elevates them to a higher level of intimacy. And that’s dangerous. There’s an emotional connection when you call someone your work spouse. It could (and should!) be strictly platonic. But we’re all grown-ups here; we know how humans operate. We give out titles for a reason. Wife. Husband. Friend. Best Friend. Godmother. Maid of Honor. Best Man. Titles are meant to elevate your relationship, to let others know where you stand with this person. It makes this person special.

He spent hours and hours teaching us how to prime our minds to do things that scare us. By the end of it, he had us all in a trance, making us believe we could do anything. I thought it was him. More than six years later, I know it was in fact me who had control.

My editor on this story says that it’s pretty much a mental health strategy these days to have someone functioning as an office spouse. You need someone outside of home to vent to, to support, and get support. I agree.

Either way, D held me down at work. He often advocated for me to write certain stories, which was a big deal as I was only one of two women on staff and she and I both had to fight for respect.

I’m a freelancer and I work at several publications. I only have a work spouse at one. That’s sort of a cheat — especially in 2020, because we both work from home and don’t see each other in an actual office. Also, an office spouse is generally a relationship that’s understood by the rest of the office. This is a private office marriage.

Think about this: What if the person you currently call your work spouse decides they need another work spouse. So now, they bring morning coffee to you and their second work spouse. And then they add another. Imagine your work spouse has five other work spouses. Would you be okay with that? No, you wouldn’t, because you want your work spouse to mirror an actual marriage. And for most of us, married in real life or not, that means it’s just the two of us.

D gave me advice about guys. (I was going through a phase of dating an assortment of fuckboys.) He told me I needed to be more discerning. I gave him advice about women. I thought he was a little too serious and a tad bit judgemental. D and I had lunch together more often than not. If anyone in the office was looking for him, they came to me.