But when you shape lives around the needs or wishes of others, the outcomes are disillusioning, even sad. It’s your life

In his book The Pocket Guide to Action, Kyle Eschenroeder stated simply: “With the lowered cost of trying things, it means the value of listening to doubters is at an historic low. They don’t know what’s possible.”

People pleasers tend to get a tough rap. But every decent person in the world has a little people pleaser in them. It’s a fine human quality to want to make others happy and it’s natural to want their approval.

Other people can provide real comfort in times of stress. Opening up to a friend or family member when you’re struggling is great — healthy AND courageous. So is seeing a therapist. But you also need to be able to self-soothe — to calm down or unwind or pick yourself up. Having a strategy or two of your own makes you feel stronger and less vulnerable out in the world.

We’re all in relationships with our devices. To be fair, our phones make pretty good buddies, they’re there for us 24/7, they do what we want and they don’t answer back. They’ve made life easier — and often more fun — too.

A lot of people use busyness as an antidote to anxiety. It works, up to a point. But, beyond that point, it’s an exhausting, mentally destructive, no-win game. Take an inventory of all the “stuff” in your life, then slash and burn all that’s unnecessary. Train yourself to do the things that truly matter — then be massively selective about the rest.

I know, there’s a lot of sh*t to do. And, if we want to maintain any sort of order in our lives, we have to do it. But there’s also a lot of sh*t we don’t have to do, but we do anyway — because it makes us feel important/valuable/kind or that we’re keeping up with (or better than) others.

It’s human to worry about other people — especially those close to us, especially our kids. (Parents never stop). But we pour way too much energy into worrying about what other people are doing. What they’ve CHOSEN to do. In essence, it’s none of our business. The old saying, “if you love them, set them free” is true. And, if you don’t love them, why are you wasting any worry time at all on them? Perhaps you need to ask why you are so invested?

But they can also make us jittery and anxious and their content can trigger distress, anger, hurt, unhelpful comparisons, unworthiness — and a raft of other unhealthy emotions. You don’t have to break up with your devices, but have an open relationship; don’t let them monopolise you.

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come clear why so many of us are struggling with the new logos if we change the frame of reference how we look at them: Those logos need to be treated as icons because that’s how we use them most of the time, eg. to quickly find the browser tab we’re looking for. Unfortunately they badly fail the fundamental requirement for good (usable) icon design:

Years ago, I told some older family members from my parents’ generation that I was thinking of quitting my job to be a life coach. Their response? Doubt and discouragement. Are you sure? That’s pretty risky. Why don’t you stay at your job with benefits?

When people sign on to therapy with happiness as a goal, we always dig into what that means for them. And — surprise, surprise — it doesn’t usually mean a Porsche, a private jet and houses for every season.

Look, our people are our people. It’s not easy to ditch people we love because they, er, moan a bit. But we can put boundaries around the amount of time we spend with them and — in some cases — we can edge away. If you have trouble figuring out how much your people are affecting your mood, pause to take note of the feeling you get when you’ve been with a particular person or group. Then you’ll know what you need to do.

The old-school restraints don’t work anymore. These fences broke long ago. You don’t have to follow the old rules, rules that dominated your parents’ generation. Things like:

The past, the future, American politics — or any politics — the crazy, upsetting, hurtful beliefs and actions of others, the state of the world and environment, where the Joneses are going for Christmas — there are a lot of uncontrollables out there and it’s exhausting to worry about all of them. It’s good to be aware of what’s going on but it’s also important to remember our place in the scheme things, to focus on what we can do — then go do it.

The old-school restraints don’t work anymore. These fences broke long ago. You don’t have to follow the old rules, rules that dominated your parents’ generation. Things like: