“Doing that will create an anchor in your mind that you can go back to when you start to feel downtrodden,” Truitt says.

“This will help in savoring the emotion and providing an opportunity to reflect on secondary emotions, like gratitude,” Romanoff says. And the more you can reflect on your own emotional state — whether that’s by talking about it, writing in a journal, or simply spending some time thinking on your own — the easier it is to process your feelings into action.

It took South Africa only four years after institutional racial segregation began to formally crumble in 1990 to elect its first Black president, Nelson Mandela. The U.S. wouldn’t have a Black president until nearly 150 years after the end of the Civil War.

As nice as it may be to start imagining the future again, we’re still living through a global pandemic. Creeping fear and anxiety about the present don’t have to zap your energy for what’s ahead. It’s possible to exist in two emotional states at once without being consumed by either one.

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reak after Business Insider picked up another story of mine. I thought my life was made again. This story repeated over and over. The big break was never a big break at all — it was a tiny step forward in the direction of my process.

I was surprised because, for all of its tortured racial history, South Africa had impressed me as being somewhat more progressive than the U.S. when it came to race. Despite the country being just a few decades removed from apartheid, race relations seemed to have come so much further than they had in the U.S. more than a century after slavery.

It was a cold, clinical reflection of the institutionalized racism and segregation that defined South African society for decades. The Grindr guy hadn’t said “I’m not attracted to Black guys” or “I don’t date Black guys” — the sorts of responses you’d hear from a White American. His specific wording (without being specific at all) seemed to imply that it wasn’t just about preference or attraction, but rather adherence to a long-standing principle. In his dating world, the events of the early ’90s in South Africa hadn’t changed a thing. It might as well have still been 1984.

Make the most of every good feeling by labeling it with a specific thought. For example, if you’re feeling hopeful, you might say to yourself or someone else, “Hope is so motivating.”

Maybe the modern White, American gay guy who refused to go Black also wouldn’t have any qualms about bluntly saying so. I’d never used Grindr in the U.S., so I had no personal experience. Could “I don’t cross racial lines” be a delicate way of doing it without getting too specific and bogged down in “Black” and “White,” sort of like subbing “fun” for “sex”?

Elliot had seen and read it all before. I thought I had, too, but this response was a first for me. For the most part, my most memorable and fulfilling encounters with gay men in Cape Town would end up being with gay Black men. I didn’t cut off everyone else the way Donald and his Zimbabwean friends had, but when I approached gay White men, I proceeded with extreme caution, if I proceeded at all.

Elliot shot down that theory. He pointed out that this response was uniquely South African because it had the lingering thumbprint of apartheid all over it. It wasn’t just a personal choice, nor was it personal — not exactly.

In short, I want Coinbase to be laser focused on achieving its mission, because I believe that this is the way that we can have the biggest impact on the world. We will do this by playing as a championship team, focus on building, and being transparent about what our mission is and isn’t.

While I did notice lingering social apartheid throughout the city that often relegated Blacks and Whites to separate corners, the tension didn’t seem as openly fraught as it did in the U.S. But Elliot kept presenting Grindr evidence that proved things were not necessarily what they appeared to be. While allowing gay men to hide behind fakery, Grindr also had the effect of making them more brutally honest, often to a fault.

There have been a lot of difficult events in the world this year: a global pandemic, shelter in place, social unrest, widespread protests and riots, and west coast wildfires. On top of that we have a contentious U.S. election on the horizon.

Elliot had seen and read it all before. I thought I had, too, but this response was a first for me. For the most part, my most memorable and fulfilling encounters with gay men in Cape Town would end up being with gay Black men. I didn’t cut off everyone else the way Donald and his Zimbabwean friends had, but when I approached gay White men, I proceeded with extreme caution, if I proceeded at all.

Everyone is asking the question about how companies should engage in broader societal issues during these difficult times, while keeping their teams united and focused on the mission. Coinbase has had its own challenges here, including employee walkouts. I decided to share publicly how I’m addressing this in case it helps others navigate a path through these challenging times.