For example, if you’re anxious about a partner’s texting habits, it means that the partner is not meeting your need for

It often starts out charmingly and lures you in quickly. Soon, you get intensely attached to your new partner and overly invested in the success (or existence) of the relationship. So when things go wrong, you can’t be honest with yourself and take a step back.

I know you might want this relationship to work out so badly, but your health comes first. Without your health, you’d end up with nothing — having a relationship certainly can wait.

A simple rule of thumb when dating — If you’re not feeling like yourself, you’re in the wrong relationship. The right relationship should make you not only more you but better you.

Now, as you know that something is seriously off with your relationship, you need to detach yourself from your partner as soon as you can. At least physically long enough for you to make sense of your situation and calm yourself down.

You need an ally —for example, a trusted friend, a family member, or a therapist. You need someone to keep you grounded when you doubt yourself and know what’s going on with you should something dangerous happen to you.

Don’t worry about losing the relationship’s momentum or offending your partner by taking your time out. It’s their problem, not yours. Your top concern right now is your well-being — don’t lose sight of it.

Secondly, ignoring your anxious feelings and pretending you’re unbothered means letting the partner set the relationship on their terms and showing weak boundaries. It’s telling your partner it’s okay to not meet your needs and their needs are more important than yours. Over time, you’ll find yourself in a stranger’s relationship that only worsens your anxiety.

If your close friends and family — the people who likely share the same values and worldviews as you — “wouldn’t understand” your relationship problems, it says that there’s something else going on with that relationship beyond what meets the eyes.

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connector — every time he went to an event, he would end up with 15 business cards of people who wanted to have something to do with him,” says Hicham Sabir, one of the early ShelterTech crew. “He would say if you’re a Black male in San Francisco, you’re basically at the bottom of the list of priorities — I think it took him six months to see a social worker.”

Instead, you suppress your true feelings and thoughts to keep up the status quo. You forgo your own boundaries and standards to preserve your emotional attachment and investment because the alternative is just too painful. The outcome? You no longer feel like yourself.

There’s an element of shame and self-justification in your hesitation to share about your relationship problems with others. But you know if you describe them out loud, you’d struggle to find healthy, meaningful reasons to stay with your partner.

If all these 4 signs apply to you, it’s time to get your head out of denial and assess your situation for what it is. The longer you let yourself go along with the motions, the more damaging it is for your well-being and mental health.

You need to acknowledge your needs and insecurities and make decisions that benefit you as you are — even if it means cutting your partner out of your life today. Be the leading advocate for your well-being and happiness.

You might want to keep your intimate life to yourself due to privacy reasons, but if you feel like you can’t share your relationship problems with other people — especially close friends and family — because they “wouldn’t understand”, it’s a huge red flag.

You might be gaslighting yourself because you’ve been gaslit for a long time by your partner. You’re possibly under the influence of many cognitive biases and your perception of your relationship has become so muddled that you can’t clearly tell right from wrong anymore.