For the first ten years of my life, I lived with my parents, forming an attachment to my father. When my parents were to

Interestingly, my sisters, raised by my grandfather from the age of two, ended up happily married to two men who were very similar to my grandfather. Meanwhile, I spent most of my early twenties looking for my father in all the men I dated.

Being with my partner has been an eye-opening experience for me. When I show as much as a frown on my face, he immediately asks me if I’m okay and investigates to the bottom of my annoyance.

I’m lucky enough to have observed this trait in many great men in my life, such as my grandfather (back in Vietnam), my brother-in-law (London), and my current partner (London).

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an awareness of the importance of security, and open lines of communication, we can all make it through this holiday season with our privacy intact. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get on the waitlist for a Ring Always Home Cam. With a compelling-enough gadget, there’s always room for a privacy compromise.

When we have a disagreement, he makes me feel understood and respected by owning up to his part and acknowledging my perspective. He lets me express myself and remains patient, which helps me calm down and quickly get us to a satisfying solution.

When you have your first disagreement, notice how your partner responds or reacts to you. Do they care about how you feel? Are they present? Are they aware of your feelings? Do they see your perspective? Do they make you feel understood and respected? — If the answer is no, they’re not suitable for you.

Not surprisingly, I chose emotionally unavailable men who put work before everything else and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Their lack of emotional depth and empathy often pushed me to the edge of my anxiety and sanity.

In conversations, observe and see if they only talk about themselves or they ask you personal and thoughtful questions; when they tell stories, whether they only share facts or they talk about how they feel — If they show selfish behaviours and avoid sharing about their emotions, it’s bad news.

When I was ready to put myself out there again, I changed my dating approach completely. I let my core gifts, such as emotional capabilities, lead the way. Soon enough, I met my now serious partner, who is the opposite of my father. He embodies my core values, takes care of me in little and big ways, and makes me laugh every day.

In 2019, I hit my rock bottom. I was approaching my mid-twenties, and I thought I couldn’t keep going down this self-destructive path any longer, or else there might be permanent consequences — I was terrified.

A highly empathetic partner feels your pain and understands your emotional needs. They’re naturally equipped to build a meaningful and emotionally fulfilling relationship with you.

My father is obsessed with work and emotionally unavailable for most of my life, while my late grandfather was a family man who would look after his family’s everyday needs.

When I went through family issues not long ago, he stayed by my side and showed me his full presence—ready for me to share anything with him if I wanted to. His attentiveness and emotional availability allow us to build deeper intimacy each day.

I should be making that call for myself since I knew myself best and I’d seen those real-life case studies in my family and read many research papers to understand what would work and what wouldn’t.

After all, my grandparents’ marriage was successful while my parents are now separated — it’s clear who I should be learning from and it’s not my father. He didn’t get to model for me what it means to be a man and what’s normal for a marriage.