He smells like Dr. Bronner’s peppermint soap and Nag Champa incense and has ever since he discovered them in college. Hi

The term “fuckboy” (or “fuccboi,” depending on how Very Online you are) has a multitude of meanings — none of which have a positive connotation. It’s an equal-opportunity insult. A condemnation. If a romantic partner has ever referred to you as such, it’s time to do some reflecting, get your affairs in order, and make the appropriate changes. And like the word “hipster,” if you swear you’re not a fuckboy when someone calls you out, you probably are one. Don’t fight it; just do better.

Even when it comes to coziness, a soothing, warm beverage alone isn’t enough, according to Zach Row-Heyveld, the exhibitions manager at the Vesterheim Norwegian-American Museum, where he curated an exhibition on koselig in 2017. “If you just open a packet of hot cocoa and serve it to your friends with your bright overhead lights on, that’s not very koselig. Whereas if you prepare homemade hot cocoa in a mug that you made, with candles, that is very koselig. … All the difference is in the subtlety.”

Similarly, when it comes to the outdoor element, Skaug reminds us, “You don’t have to do this big expedition, but even if you live in a city you can still walk.” She adds, “If we help someone, that’s very koselig. There’s always someone who needs help more than yourself.”

So, what is a fuckboy? For the purposes of this article, it’s a person who doesn’t have enough respect for women to earn their time, attention, or energy. But he never stops trying. And he never stops making excuses for his ineptitude. He’s got no self-awareness or accountability, so he sees zero need for even the slightest bit of growth. And as such, his relationships tend to either fizzle out or crash and burn.

This sense of togetherness is one way that koselig differs from the isolationist interior craze of hygge. While hygge celebrates JOMO (the joy of missing out), koselig is more about joined joviality. Yes, it’s about being cozy, but it’s about a connecting coziness. “We feel the happiness of being together,” Skaug explains.

The other aspect of koselig that distinguishes it from hygge is its outdoorsy outlook. Studies have shown that time in nature is good for your mental health; that doesn’t change when the weather does. “Outdoors has been an inspiration to find good days in my life,” Skaug says. “I feel well when I have been outdoors.”

A fuckboy gets dismissed with an eye roll, a sucking of the teeth, or maybe even a middle finger. He never gets to meet the parents or even close friends both because he’s not worthy and because he likely has no interest. He’s only interested in what you can provide in a single moment.

You’ve heard the term, and now you’ve read the explanation, but do you know how to identify one in the wild? Is it your boy — or, more importantly, is it you? Peep the four archetypes below; if you see yourself, it might be time for some self-improvement. Seriously.

Koselig may be enigmatic, but it’s not unattainable. And its power, as Opstad puts it, is that “it is a way to find joy in those moments where it can feel difficult to do so.” Which makes it the perfect approach to any winter — this one especially.

You don’t have to have a cabin that backs onto a cross-country ski piste or a crew of sweater-clad roommates to share hot cocoa with by candlelight. Blogger Ingrid Opstad of That Scandinavian Feeling points out that “finding creative ways to be social whether with friends or family is a great way to incorporate the feeling of koselig in our lives. This can be as simple as a virtual coffee date with a friend to chat and feel connected.”

Koselig may be enigmatic, but it’s not unattainable. And its power, as Opstad puts it, is that “it is a way to find joy in those moments where it can feel difficult to do so.” Which makes it the perfect approach to any winter — this one especially.

Randi Skaug was the first Norwegian woman up Everest; she has also climbed the Seven Summits and skied in the Antarctic. She says, “Togetherness is a very important part of the word itself. Because you wouldn’t say to yourself, ‘This is koselig.’ You’d say it when there’s someone else around.”

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complishment? No. Many of the joys in life are simple — family, fun, the present moment, love, showing compassion for others, etc. But following through with your dreams is an act of love, fun, compassion, and honor of the present moment, too.

Norwegian entertainment presenter Kjersti Flaa notes that a technological time out is another crucial element of koselig: “No phones allowed if it’s really koselig.” That’s because phones and other devices interfere with your ability to connect with those around you.

Emile Holba is the organizer of the Ice Music Festival in Finse, Norway, where the instruments themselves are made from ice. “The Norwegians have outdoors in their DNA. Their office day starts early and finishes early and that is because they’re going to go for a run or a hike or a cross-country ski.”