I am 25 and have read the same sentence of the fantasy novel three times and not absorbed a word of it, because the litt

Author : 6eren.yilmaz.3971
Publish Date : 2021-01-07 08:37:54


I am 25 and have read the same sentence of the fantasy novel three times and not absorbed a word of it, because the litt

I am 20 and lying in bed with my boyfriend at the time, and I am nestled into his armpit, which is a good place to be. We are sharing a twin bed, and it is hot, and sweaty, and infinitely preferable to being a comfortable temperature alone.

I am 25 and cannot imagine having a child with big, curious eyes who wants to talk to me, and not always wanting to listen. But I am young and well-rested and well-fed and have not spent the day with an inquisitive 9-year-old with dirt under his fingernails.

What are your hopes for Black people as we wait for White people to deal with their racism? I think if we’re going to task White people with doing this work, the question we need to ask — I would love to ask — is who would we be if Whiteness never dictated who we are? If Whiteness never set a goal that we had to live up to? If Whiteness hadn’t defined our pop culture, who would we be? Because I think that it is very easy for us, even in our efforts toward liberation, to define our goals based on what White men said is desirable. You know, I think we would manage without White men. I think we would be okay.

I am 23 and none of my gay friends talk about children when they talk about the future. They talk about open relationships and queering hegemony and how monogamy is dumb. I have never imagined the future without having a child.

You were preparing to publish when George Floyd was murdered and then the election season stirred up even more anti-Black racism. Did America react the way you expected? That was one of the most depressing things for me, come June, to see So You Want To Talk About Race go to the top of the bestseller list and sell more copies in a month then it had sold in two years… and be like “oh cool.” So we need brutal murder for people to be like, “maybe we’ll talk about this.” That was really frustrating for me and heartbreaking and traumatizing. So no, I wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

There is a moment of silence, a nice one, and then my boyfriend asks me what my goal is in life. It is not a question I have been asked before, and I think for a moment and then I tell him this: I would like to have a husband who loves me, and children, and a nice house with a backyard that is good for hosting friends of my children, and financial security.

You’ve given us a lens through which to more critically examine the pattern of White male mediocrity. How do we use this to imagine a better Afrofuture? I talk to Black writers who write about the future, like Nora [N.K.] Jemisin. We don’t know how we’ve been conditioned by the past; we can’t imagine a free future. And so it’s really vital when we are imagining our future because we are still building ourselves out of the ashes of slavery and violent White supremacy. We are continuously building and defining ourselves. If we don’t know what pressures are trying to define us in the world, if we don’t know how the system works, we actually can’t build something separate from it. I want this [book] to be a part of our reimagining. Looking at what’s been done and what’s harmful and say, “I’m imagining something different.”

He is upset by my answer — says it’s a selfish goal. My heart is beating fast because within the span of two minutes I have realized what I want most in life, vocalized it, and been judged for it. My heart is beating fast because I think he might be right — it is selfish. I am selfish. I ask him what his goal is, because he thinks he’s so Smart and Good, and he says that he wants to make a medical breakthrough that saves lives. I am annoyed by his answer, not because he is a hypocrite, but because he actually means it, because he actually is Smart and Good. He tells me that he didn’t realize he was dating someone whose dreams were so selfish. I tell him that I also want to write things that make the world a better place. That is apparently a more acceptable answer, and we go back to snuggling. It is still very hot in the bed but now it is also cold.

You’ve given us a lens through which to more critically examine the pattern of White male mediocrity. How do we use this to imagine a better Afrofuture? I talk to Black writers who write about the future, like Nora [N.K.] Jemisin. We don’t know how we’ve been conditioned by the past; we can’t imagine a free future. And so it’s really vital when we are imagining our future because we are still building ourselves out of the ashes of slavery and violent White supremacy. We are continuously building and defining ourselves. If we don’t know what pressures are trying to define us in the world, if we don’t know how the system works, we actually can’t build something separate from it. I want this [book] to be a part of our reimagining. Looking at what’s been done and what’s harmful and say, “I’m imagining something different.”

At this point, I’d rather just buy a game for $60 but be given the ENTIRE experience, rather than knowing I can experience the “full game” for free while tons of content, experience multipliers, and daily rewards that make game more fun or less grindy are locked behind purchases.

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Some Black people and other POCs might implode if their proximity to Whiteness disappeared though. And that’s the thing! When I was writing the book, I hoped people would recognize that we all uphold this. White men alone can’t uphold the system as much as they like to think they do. It’s vital that we see all of the ways in which we’ve been upholding this and have tied ourselves to it because that will get in the way of our liberation.

A mother and son sit on the bench behind me, in a zag. They have just come from Costco and she is irritated that the basketball they bought doesn’t fit in the box. When the kid tries to lighten her bad mood with a joke, she curses in frustration.

I am 25 and it is 9:42 pm on a Tuesday. I am sitting in a Los Angeles subway station, which exists. I missed the train and the next is in 20 minutes, and I walk to a zig-zag shaped bench that was designed to be artistically interesting, but is mostly just a terrible bench. I sit down in a zig and open a book on my iPad.

I am 20 or so when I realize that if I want a child, I will have to plan for a long time, and fill out an application, and maybe still not get a baby. I am 22 when I realize that a lot of my friends were “surprises.”



Category : general

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