I cannot envision the pain he was in, the courage he was trying to muster, the possible debate he was having with himsel

“The importance of the relationship always took precedence over everything else. The relationship is like the queen bee. Nothing else matters. Protect the queen. Even if I was resolute, ‘I am right and she is wrong,’ I was like, ‘Is it really important enough to cause a fracture?’ And it wasn’t. Ever.”

“You put the ‘We’ above the ‘I.’ At a certain point, you’re willing to say, ‘Even though I’m angry, even though I’m hurt, this “We” is the cup that we both drink from, and we want to keep it filled. If I’m vengeful or spiteful, I’m not going to have anything to drink. So let’s keep nourishing this cup.’”

Your relationship will never be the only thing that matters in your life, but you’ll face situations in which you must decide that it matters more than anything else. Margie confirms:

If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please do not hesitate to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free, 24/7 confidential service that can provide people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress, or those around them, with support, information, and local resources. For more information, call or visit SuicidePreventionLifeline.org.

He made the choice to kill himself not because he wanted to — if we were financially stable, he would still be here. He didn’t suffer from chronic depression. He sacrificed himself so his family might, in his twisted view on that terrible day, have a chance of a more secure future financially — but a severely diminished one in all the ways that truly matter.

Every step I took up our driveway made my legs quake, knowing, as I got closer to our front door, that I was about to cross a line separating “before” and “after,” and nothing would ever be the same.

If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please do not hesitate to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free, 24/7 confidential service that can provide people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress, or those around them, with support, information, and local resources. For more information, call or visit SuicidePreventionLifeline.org.

A lot of these advancements are powered by deep learning, in particular deep neural networks. Yet, the theory behind deep neural networks remains poorly understood. Sure, we understand the math of what individual neurons are doing, but we’re lacking a mathematical theory of the emergent behavior of entire network. What makes deep neural networks so powerful?

Modern machine learning research has demonstrated remarkable achievements. Today, we can train machines to detect objects in images, extract meaning from text, stop spam emails, drive cars, discover new drug candidates, and beat top players in Chess, Go, and countless other games.

In his letter to the boys, he wrote, “You will get past this, you will go to college, fall in love and marry and have families of your own. I hope you can forgive me and understand.”

Not pushing your partner’s buttons is a good start, but you’ll also have to let go of bigger issues — as long as they are not more important than the relationship itself. Andy learned this in his relationship with Margie:

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with emotional hi-jackings anymore. Today, through self-observation and meditation (see point 4 below), the rational part of the brain — the cortex — appraises the situation. I soon realize that my life is not in danger. The cortex then deactivates the amygdala, which in turn, inhibits the secretion of cortisol via the hypothalamus, thus bringing me into homeostasis and reducing the anxiety in my body.

“If you live in the woods, and you get familiar with your neighborhood, you’re like, ‘Oh, this is a place where there’s a snake. This is a place where there’s poison ivy. This is a place where I’ll trip over this log every single time and sprain my ankle.’ Eventually, you’re just like: ‘Oh, I can avoid all these things.’”

We have some guidance from mathematics. In a 1989 paper, mathematician George Cybenko, then a researcher at the University of Illinois in Urbana, proofed the Universal Approximation Theorem: for any continuous function f, there exists a single-layer neural network that can approximate f arbitrarily well, as long as the activation function of that network is sigmoid-like.

This was written in the immediate aftermath of my husband’s death by suicide. My knowledge of mental illness has evolved, with the help of much therapy for all four of us, since then. I’m sharing our experience in the hopes that it may help one family out there struggling.