I hadn’t always paid attention to the flavor of vegetables. If someone told me, “Wow, this broccoli tastes so good!” I w

I watched my friend add an extra three tablespoons of olive oil to her broccoli with a mixture of amazement and skepticism. She then broiled it in the oven until the florets were basically charred through, and the stems soft and wilted. Then she added a dollop of butter and a dash of salt.,Hussey says to tell your partner you need more safety from them, and if they don’t comply, then it’s time to end the relationship. Don’t blame yourself for justified feelings of insecurity if your partner is not behaving in a trustworthy fashion. If you can’t trust them, it’s time to consider if they’re worthy of being in a relationship with you.,Hussey says that sometimes, that’s what true confidence is. In a Facebook post, he addresses the difference between low self-esteem and real danger in a relationship, and how to know when it’s time to leave.,Is this guy not texting me back because he’s busy or is he ghosting me? Did he cancel plans for the third time because his schedule really is that packed, or is he blowing me off? These questions, and more, have pinwheeled through my brain during a recent relationship.,In contrast, I have found Japanese food to rarely use oil or heavy seasonings in vegetable dishes. In fact, it often embraces the natural taste of them: It’s why plain, shredded cabbage is often served as a side dish, or why raw grated daikon is used as a condiment to saltier dishes. Popular Japanese movies will include scenes of children biting into raw vegetables and enjoying them, not as a statement to encourage children to eat more vegetables, but simply because vegetables are already seen as something delicious.,Her friends said that she made a habit of making friends online, using social media platforms like Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook. In the days before her disappearance, she had mentioned a friend was coming to meet her. All they knew about this person was that his name was Christopher.,Such a perspective is the antithesis of healthy cooking because it results in vegetables that are overcooked and covered in some sort of heavy oil or sweet-salty dressing. It becomes normal for broccoli to be cooked with lots of olive oil or salads drowned in a creamy ranch. To prepare them otherwise is unappetizing or bland.,If you already have self-esteem issues, it’s easy to pass off not feeling secure in a relationship as your own personal confidence problem, instead of being able to clearly identify the behavior in your partner that is causing you to feel this way.,Watching my friend cook broccoli, at first, it occurred to me that my friend was simply picky and didn’t like the taste of broccoli. But when I realized that she cooked all of her vegetables in the same way, I understood that broccoli wasn’t the issue. She assumed she didn’t like all vegetables.,For anxious individuals like myself, it’s hard to tell the difference between insecure feelings that are justified and insecure feelings that are the result of my own self-esteem issues and past relationship trauma.,In my relationships now, whenever my hackles are up and I’m feeling prickly about something, I’ll bring it up to my partner. I’ll tell him how it made me feel when he canceled plans for the third time. I’ll say I didn’t like that I didn’t hear from him for a week. And I’ll ask him to do better. So far, he has.,I no longer click on articles with titles like, “How to Make Vegetables Actually Taste Good” or “20 Vegetable Dishes That People Will Surprisingly Want to Eat,” because vegetables shouldn’t be treated like the necessary-evil food.,On the other hand, “real danger” — justified feelings of insecurity — is when your partner does not acknowledge your needs and does not make you feel safe in the relationship.,In my relationships now, whenever my hackles are up and I’m feeling prickly about something, I’ll bring it up to my partner. I’ll tell him how it made me feel when he canceled plans for the third time. I’ll say I didn’t like that I didn’t hear from him for a week. And I’ll ask him to do better. So far, he has.,Chasing is, ultimately, a sign of low self-worth, says Hussey. No one is so amazing that we should continue to chase after them when they aren’t matching our same energy and when they don’t want the same things as us.