I know for myself, if there’s something I want to do, I’ll do it. I once drove two and a half hours after working all da

He didn’t text me back for a week because he was busy with work, then just forgot. He hasn’t called me in a month because he’s tied up with a family issue. He hasn’t taken me on a real date in weeks, but that’s okay because I’m fine just chilling on the couch watching TV.,These all sound like good excuses — and they are if they’re legitimate. But when it comes down to it, if he wanted to do any of those things, regardless of what’s going on in his life, he’d make the time to do them at some point.,I have nothing to be ashamed of and no reason to feel bad about myself. If he chooses not to invest his time in me, there’s probably something going on on his end preventing that.,He can’t come to my place because, well, I don’t have a place. The pandemic has me living with my parents — not exactly sexy. And, the pandemic also means we can’t meet at a halfway point for dates in bars and restaurants because, well, we don’t want to get COVID. So if we want to see each other, our only option is for me to go to him.,“If he wanted to, he would” reminds us not to chase after someone who isn’t interested in building something with us. It reminds us to leave behind those who aren’t reflecting our own efforts back to us.,One time I dated a guy who really liked me, but he did not have the time, space, or energy in his life to have a serious relationship. His job ruled his existence, and he was going to grad school — two very demanding things. As much as he liked me, he didn’t have the time or energy to meet my demands, too. And I can’t blame him — some people choose their careers first, and that’s okay.,Many people blamed it on Liston’s carelessness for wanting to be the quickest that lead to this event, but at the same time, we need to consider his care for his patients as the quicker he was able to perform the surgeries, the less suffering for the patients had to experience. Dr. Richard Gordon who is a medical historian supports Liston’s reputation as he had an impeccable record for the early 1800s medical standards. We need to also take into consideration that Liston was also an inventor, who helped the evolution of more complex medical surgeries later in his career.,I date this made-up vision of them I have in my head — a personality that doesn’t exist and that they haven’t earned. It’s something author Elizabeth Gilbert, among others, has written about before.,Don’t look at it from the perspective of, “He doesn’t want me because there’s something wrong with me.” Think of it as, “He doesn’t want me because of what’s going on with him.”,Something I always say to myself when I’m dealing with a wishy-washy dating situation is, I was fine before this person came into my life. And I’ll be just fine after they’re gone.,I made every excuse for him, but after he ghosted me on our date for New Year’s Eve, I finally said enough is enough. If he wanted to, he would. And he kept showing me over and over again that he did not want to.,My best friend said that phrase to me recently on the phone. We were talking about a guy I’ve been dating for a few months. He lives far-ish, and I was explaining how I always have to drive two hours round trip every time I want to see him.,It doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy or aren’t good enough for them. It just means they have other things going on. “If he wanted to, he would” empowered me, because it’s a reminder that some guy’s opinion of me, or whether or not some guy likes me, has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him.,I once dated a guy who was terrible at balancing his priorities in his personal life. He often chose to spend his weekends with the boys instead of with me (which he did almost every weekend), and he would give me the bare minimum just enough to keep me around, but wouldn’t commit.,It’s not ideal, but it does sometimes feel like I’m the only one putting any effort into our relationship — especially when, if I don’t text him, we don’t talk at all. Or if I don’t ask him when he wants to hang out, we don’t see each other — because he’ll never ask me.