I know you might want this relationship to work out so badly, but your health comes first. Without your health, you’d en

There’s an element of shame and self-justification in your hesitation to share about your relationship problems with others. But you know if you describe them out loud, you’d struggle to find healthy, meaningful reasons to stay with your partner.

People with an anxious attachment style often feel ashamed of their anxiety in a new relationship. They do everything in their power to suppress their anxious feelings and act unattached. But it’s counterproductive in two ways, regardless of attachment style.

You might be gaslighting yourself because you’ve been gaslit for a long time by your partner. You’re possibly under the influence of many cognitive biases and your perception of your relationship has become so muddled that you can’t clearly tell right from wrong anymore.

When you enter a new relationship and don’t know if the way your partner behaves or treats you is normal, it’s a sign that they don’t share the same values and worldviews with you. They likely have different expectations for a relationship and different interpretations of love from yours.

Remember that you don’t need to ask your friends or the internet whether your relationship is normal. “Normal” is relative. It’s your relationship — it should work for you. You shouldn’t have to change your core self to fit in with someone else’s definition of “normal.” If you feel you have to, it means you two are not compatible.

A simple rule of thumb when dating — If you’re not feeling like yourself, you’re in the wrong relationship. The right relationship should make you not only more you but better you.

It often starts out charmingly and lures you in quickly. Soon, you get intensely attached to your new partner and overly invested in the success (or existence) of the relationship. So when things go wrong, you can’t be honest with yourself and take a step back.

You might want to keep your intimate life to yourself due to privacy reasons, but if you feel like you can’t share your relationship problems with other people — especially close friends and family — because they “wouldn’t understand”, it’s a huge red flag.

Instead, you suppress your true feelings and thoughts to keep up the status quo. You forgo your own boundaries and standards to preserve your emotional attachment and investment because the alternative is just too painful. The outcome? You no longer feel like yourself.

For example, if you’re anxious about a partner’s texting habits, it means that the partner is not meeting your need for closeness and triggers your deep-rooted insecurity about distance. While you could work on your anxiety over time, the fact remains that this relationship isn’t as safe as it needs to be for you right now.

If all these 4 signs apply to you, it’s time to get your head out of denial and assess your situation for what it is. The longer you let yourself go along with the motions, the more damaging it is for your well-being and mental health.

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a guy by the name of Jazz who I started out with. He had a deal with EMI. He had the opportunity to go to London to record his album. I went along with him for two months. In those two months there was a sting operation and they took my friend I’m talking about, for 13 years [to prison].

Secondly, ignoring your anxious feelings and pretending you’re unbothered means letting the partner set the relationship on their terms and showing weak boundaries. It’s telling your partner it’s okay to not meet your needs and their needs are more important than yours. Over time, you’ll find yourself in a stranger’s relationship that only worsens your anxiety.

Some differences can be settled, but if the differences are fundamental, in the long run, the relationship will cause you more pain than happiness — it’s not worth the self-doubt.

If your close friends and family — the people who likely share the same values and worldviews as you — “wouldn’t understand” your relationship problems, it says that there’s something else going on with that relationship beyond what meets the eyes.