“If the meditator can recognize the maladaptive thoughts as maladaptive,” Carmichael tells me via email, “then meditatio

Or I just misunderstood mindfulness. It turns out, meditating with the specific goal of controlling and reducing anxiety can sometimes backfire. Because that’s just not how it works.

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lesser-known facts is that Atlassian, with all its success, is a bootstrapped startup. In a time when startups were taking millions, Atlassian was one of the few that didn’t need to. They already had millions in their accounts and didn’t need to raise money.,

The “crazy” woman has become a damaging stereotype, but it didn’t arise out of nowhere. A woman’s fear or insecurity can make her act irrationally. She may attack, insult, or try to control a situation she would have been better walking away from.

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They want women with their own jobs, hobbies, interests, and friends. Major bonus points too if she’s also financially solvent, so she’s not dragging her bad decisions into the relationship.

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Dudes pay attention to how you handle negative things. Are you resilient? Do you lash out when you’re upset? Do you pay attention to and respond to red flags, both in others and in yourself? Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and men will be attracted to that.

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“Most of the time, what I see is that people abandon the practice before they experience the benefit, or get frustrated because they think it’s not working,” Dattilo adds. “And I can see how that might turn people off, but I also think it highlights the importance of understanding what it’s designed to do and working with an experienced mindfulness practitioner.”

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(Worth noting: The help of a practitioner is crucial if you’re struggling with symptoms like psychosis or psychotic thoughts, if you have a history of suicidal ideation or significant trauma, or if you’re experiencing disassociation or intrusive recollections, Dattilo says.)

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If you’re trying to make yourself feel or look superior by putting down other women, you’re raising yourself up on a pair of wobbly sticks. You’re depending on other people looking “bad” to make yourself look “good.” Men want self-confidence and self-esteem, and that has to be built on your own sense of self-worth, not on how you feel about other women.

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Guys will admit that they aren’t paying attention to the color of your nails or the cut of your clothes, but they’ll notice if something looks nice on you or not. Some men too like women in certain outfits: sweatpants and Uggs or cardigan and khakis.

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In fact, according to New York-based clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael, PhD, one of the biggest myths about mindfulness and meditation is “the idea that focusing on anxiety or depressive thoughts in an unfiltered manner would be a vehicle to dispel them.”

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More often than not, a dude has pushed her to react this way by leading her on, not communicating, being unfaithful, etc. but that’s neither here nor there. But if she’s not with that dude anymore, then she should work on her awareness.

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“The single biggest misconception about mindfulness is about what it’s designed to help you do,” Natalie Dattilo, PhD, director of psychology in the department of psychiatry at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, explained to me over email. “It was never intended to help you ‘clear your mind’ or even help you feel relaxed. The point of mindfulness practice is to ‘exercise’ your executive functioning centers and strengthen your ability to focus.”

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In other words, it’s not about magically melting away anxiety. It’s about training your brain over time to work with you rather than against you, paying attention to what you actually want to be thinking about rather than whatever’s bringing you stress and rumination, she says. And as my therapist had told me — and which I’d conveniently ignored — it doesn’t happen instantly.

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Again, it may not always feel safe for a woman to laugh or smile, but when she does, it’s certain men will turn to look at her. She’s showing her emotions, and men want to be there for it, especially if they get to be the one to make her laugh or smile.

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And I’m not alone. A recent study concluded that upwards of 8% of people can experience unwanted negative effects after practicing meditation. Anxiety and depression symptoms can worsen as the brain “rebels,” attempting to regain control of the mind. And reading this, I felt vindicated. Maybe — as I battled anxiety attacks and tears while meditating — I wasn’t a doomed soul unable to find peace. Maybe my brain was just looking out for me in its own way.