Like most women, I’ve climbed up and down the scale over years. For most of my forties, I’ve been relatively happy with

Earlier this month, pictures of Lily James and Dominic West were released by the Daily Mail. There was lots of… touching. He’s married; she’s not. They’re both actors who were bound to get caught with all that PDA.

“These look good,” I said. The box had about a dozen inside it. I prefer to get my sweets individually, especially considering how tantalizing this new treat looked. But I decided to just hope they were not tasty (they were) and hope I could exert some self-control (not likely).

It all looks like complete garbage to me. Perhaps a lot of it is. Many writers say they look back on their first few years of writing and cringe. I’m still in my first few years and luckily I cringe some days.

And then, dude put another box of a dozen on the couch. And another. This continued until there were eight boxes on the couch. This man brought 96 damn Stroopwafels into our home. On purpose.

If I thought a certain article was good before but now I think it is bad then something changed. I realize now that what changed is my own editorial and artistic standards. They are higher now.

The headline read, “Married ‘The Affair’ star Dominic West, 50, ditches his wedding ring as she passionately kisses and cuddles ‘Downton Abbey’ star Lily James, 31, during very public romantic break in Rome.”

Having good taste coupled with a desire to work is the path to reaching your potential. Not loving your work means you are closing that gap between where you are and your potential.

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t you like and your favorites, so when they come to you and want to talk about something your passionate about, don’t engage. They only want to prove to you that they’re a good person who cares about you and is interested in the same things as you are.

“All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you.

The next morning, I woke up and found a piping hot cup of coffee next to the bed. That’s not unusual; more often than not, my partner brings me coffee in the morning. (I love that man.) But this time, there was a gently warmed Stroopwafel resting on my coffee cup. (I hate that man.)

I can now more easily identify what isn’t working in my writing. Then I can either change it or drop it. I only had a small seed of this ability when I first started writing. Now I have a well-watered sapling. Someday hopefully I’ll have a towering oak of creativity, editing prowess, and artistic sensibility. But my job now is to just keep watering that sapling.

Of course, I’m going to think some of my first articles were crap if I now have a better feel for what isn’t crappy. Hating your early work in any artistic endeavor is normal. But cut it some slack as it gave you a ride to where you are today.

I can imagine the perfect article in my head, I just don’t have the chops to write it yet. I know how some writing from other authors has made me feel. Someday I want to write in a way to make others feel the same way. Inspired. Amazed. Like I’m sitting alone with that author and they are talking directly to me.

“Unfortunately, writers in the depths of this “crap phase” will often wonder if it’s worth their time to continue. That struggle — that feeling that you’re wasting your time — is a sign that you’re probably on the right path. But most people quit, not realizing that nearly every writer who does excellent work went through a phase of years where they had really good taste, but they produced total crap.”-Jane Friedman

Now, of course, I understand physiology. Men lose weight more easily than women do. They produce more lean muscle and have a higher metabolism. Also, Shane is a former trainer for marathoners. And he’s one of those people who will ride his bike from Pennsylvania to New York just to say he did it. Or, sprint in heels to raise money. Seriously, he is the world-record holder for sprinting in heels. So even though he doesn’t run and cycle much at the moment, his body has some degree of what I’ll call metabolism memory.