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My aversion to the word mixed actually started on the day we brought our first child, my daughter, home from the hospital. We were living with the mother of my daughter’s family at the time; living in the house everyone in the family hung out at on holidays, for birthday parties, and even lunch breaks. It all happened at this house.

Several years later my son asked me that question while we were standing in front of the bathroom mirror as I helped him brush his hair to get ready for bed. He was in 1st or 2nd grade at the time. I don’t recall exactly. But it was an age-appropriate question.

Now is a great time to ask the people who made those pronouncements what their next step is. It is a great time to hold ourselves accountable. It will make us uncomfortable. Let it.

I am a big fan of using the Socratic method for answering the difficult questions kids sometimes ask. It actually works great for the not so difficult ones too. Also, try “Did you google it?”

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The day we arrived home with our newborn daughter was no different. My new daughter’s (adult) second cousin was visiting when we arrived home. She rushed to greet us at the door as we walked in. She didn’t actually greet us though. No one greets the parents once a new baby arrives.

I stopped brushing his hair and gazed down at him in the mirror considering how I would respond. “Well, I don’t know for sure.” I replied, “Can you show me what part of your body is Asian, and what part is Black?”

The future will bring white men with solutions. We cannot seem to help ourselves. It’s what we do. Like colonizers with smallpox blankets we will show up looking to solve the problem we created, but to our own benefit. We hope to profit from the disease and the cure. Some of the white folks helping to pull down racist statues thought they were clearing space for statues of themselves. The truth is that I hope we are done idolizing individuals. Individuals will always let you down.

There will be a role for people who look like me, but it’ll be a role that we’re very unaccustomed to: listening rather than speaking, giving before we take. It’ll be as part of a community, and if we’re lucky we’ll have as much chance to succeed as anyone else in that community. And the community’s welfare will be the most important barometer to success. If we’re lucky people will treat us better than we’ve treated them.

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I remember my daughter’s mom searching my face waiting for me to clap back. Instead, I did what most Black people do when hit by an anti-Black micro-aggression. I swallowed my disgust and ignored the insult to make sure I didn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. I took the punch to the gut and pretended like it didn’t happen.

“Oh shit! She don’t even look Black. She came out looking more mixed than Black. Her hair not even Black.” These were the first words my daughter’s cousin said as she reached in the carrier to lift my daughter out.

We do not get to speak for people whose ancestors we silenced. We get to listen. We get to stop hogging the space. We aren’t giving anyone space, because the space was never ours to take and it is stolen. So if anything we are belatedly giving it back. We need to be uncomfortable. I am writing this essay in praise of discomfort because discomfort is where we need to be. For years, for decades, for centuries if you looked like me you got to live in a world that was very specifically designed to make you comfortable. (The fact that you, individually, didn’t achieve it doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. It means you couldn’t score from third on a double.)

You can turn your shame and discomfort into rage, as so many Trump voters did, or you can own it. You can claim it, because it’s yours. And in so doing, you can keep from passing it on to the next generation. You can be a better ancestor than the ones you got. You can be a better ancestor than the ones I got.

My son thought for a moment. Pulled up his pajama shirt to have a better look at himself. Then looked over his shoulder at me with the face he gives me when he’s figured out I’m playing a trick. A look that said, I’m not going to fall for that again.