Most of us don’t look the same on social media as we do in real life and that is for a very simple reason: we are trying

We post photos on Instagram because we like the feeling of importance we get when people hit that like button. If Instagram was to shut down tomorrow many influencers would rapidly sink into depression, as their main source of importance would disappear (also that’s the reason why Facebook first and Instagram later have become so popular…they give people a chance to feel…important!)

But why do we do this? Why do we chase our self-projection? Because we believe that’s where happiness resides. “Once I will become that image I have in my mind, I will be happy”.

‘‘Believe me, Socrates. You have only to look at humankind’s love of honour and you will be surprised at your absurdity regarding the matters I have just mentioned, unless you think about it and reflect how strongly people are affected by the desire to become famous and to lay up immortal glory for all time. For the sake of this they are prepared to run risks even more than for their children — spend their money, endure any kind of suffering, even die in the cause. [..] I think that it is for the sake of immortal fame and this kind of glorious reputation that everyone strives to the utmost, and the better they are the more they strive: for they desire what is immortal” — Discourse of Diotima to Socrates, Symposium, Plato

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, he is creating what’s called CloudKitchens, which are built to optimize the preparation and delivery of food. If you believe that people are going to cook less and have food delivered more, then… it’s happening in China, something like 20% of all meals in China are delivered. In the U.S., it’s like 2–3%. So if you believe that we’re going to follow that trend, then he’s making the economic bet that these restaurants are going to want these very efficient, cheaper places to cook food that are optimized around a city, that can be done with fast delivery. So if anything, it’s a real estate play and chasing a trend on food delivery. I think that he thinks it’s a bigger idea. There’s certainly more revenue in food than there is in transportation.

Some people are in a relationship only because of the feeling of importance they get from it: all of a sudden that banker or NBA player looks more attractive because of his status and in turn the feeling of importance someone may derive from being exposed to their circle.

As it turns out, our ego doesn’t only want to build a self-projection of who we want to become. Given our optimistic nature, we are driven to build a positive self-projection, one in which we are depicted as a successful individual, someone who has achieved her passions, dreams, career goals, relationship goals etc.

We buy a Ferrari or a fancy classic car because we like the feeling that we get when driving it. We like when people turn to look at us. If all of a sudden all the human beings except you would go extinct (think Will Smith in the movie I Am Legend) you wouldn’t care about what car to drive.

Point 1: The books we read, the movies we watch, the family we are born in, the people we frequent, the experiences we make in life, (the accounts we follow on Instagram..sadly..) etc., all serve to build our personality, our dreams, an image of our self looking forward (i.e. our self-projection). Once I have elaborated my self-projection I will act in order to match it with reality, performing actions in order to achieve that image, convinced that is where happiness resides.

This topic was vastly popularised by Daniel Carnegie’s 1936 bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People. Nevertheless, an array of philosophers before him elaborated on the topic. A few examples:

Because after all, this is all we seek in life: a feeling of importance. Our ego doesn’t just want to build a self-projection; it wants to build a self-projection in which the main character of the story (i.e. you!) is admired, desired, and fawned upon — ideally, on a mass scale. We don’t envision ourselves as being disliked or ignored. We want to be relevant to people, we want to feel important.

Club privies, VIP areas, backstage passes are popular because they allow people to feel more important than those standing in general admission or crammed on the dance floor.

All else equal, we choose company X over company Y if company X has a more prestigious brand, because it makes us feel more important to work for company X, it elevates our status.

When friends or couples clash that is many times as a consequence of the fact that one of the two is giving less attention to the other, and what is attention if not making someone feel important?

All these ‘sensations and reflections’ built my self-projection: the picture that I had constructed of myself with regard to who I wanted to become. And during the years that followed, I therefore committed to a number of actions that, ideally, would lead me to become the person that I self-projected in my mind at that time. For example, in order to fulfil the image of the classic car collector, I knew I had to get a good job in order to make enough money to be able to one day buy one of those cars. And in order to get a good job I knew I had to study hard and at a good university. And admission to such university required strong grades. And in turn a lot of studying during my high school years, etc. etc.

“Why is it, for instance, that an orator who knows that he has written a good speech, and has fixed it in his memory, and is bringing an attractive voice to the task, still feels anxious nonetheless? Because he is not content merely to practice his art. What else does he want, then? To receive praise from his audience” — Discourse 2.16, Discourses, Epictetus