The good news is that there are some things you can do to restore the spark that you once had as a couple. In fact, Dr.

A number of high-profile cases in recent memory have demonstrated the insidiousness of that pipeline: Marissa Alexander, who defended her life from her abusive husband by firing one warning shot that caused no physical harm; Tracy McCarter, who is currently incarcerated at Rikers Island for an act of self-defense against her now late husband; and Nikki Addimando, who murdered her boyfriend in self-defense after years of physical and sexual abuse. The system is not structured to protect survivors.

Micah Herskind, who is working to launch Georgia Freedom Letters, another effort that works to connect incarcerated people with pen pals within the state, says that forging pen pal relationships was “a radicalizing experience” for him and was crucial in leading him to fight for the larger mission of abolition. “Prisons are incredibly isolating institutions by design,” Herskind says. “They erect physical walls between people and pose barriers to communication and access. With commitment, these pen pal relationships absolutely can turn into real friendships — real, solid, sustained relationships.”

Every Tuesday, Waller speaks on the phone with one of her strongest advocates: Kelly Savage, a woman she met at CCWF. Since Savage’s parole in 2018, the women have remained connected via phone calls and letters; Savage has sent money to Waller’s commissary and helped facilitate communications with those on the outside. “She’s been by my side, even before all these issues with my deportation,” Waller says. “She accepted me for who I am.”

Waller is just one of many domestic abuse survivors across the United States who are incarcerated. The ACLU estimates that as many as 94% of some women’s prison populations are domestic abuse survivors — many for self-defense or other acts of survival. These survivors are often already marginalized — Black people, undocumented people, poor people, queer and trans people, sex workers, those who’ve already suffered at the hands of the carceral system, and beyond.

Today, Savage, who initiated the first A Living Chance storytelling project, continues her work with survivors of both domestic violence and incarceration in various capacities, including a push to expand the Drop LWOP campaign, which has been fighting to end life without parole sentencing in California, to other states. Waller saw a similar path for herself, before Governor Newsom put her fate in ICE’s hands. “Kelly and I talk about this a lot,” she says. “I know the feeling, I know the fear, and all I want to be able to do is to help other incarcerated women that are going through this.”

Savage, who was tried and incarcerated for calling the police after her husband murdered their son, understands how important it is for people to remain connected to the outside world. While incarcerated at CCWF, she’d sometimes receive upwards of 100 letters a month, some from people who would write to her weekly. “I once received an origami bird and hung it up on my bed,” Savage recalls. “It was something for me to look at, just to have some support when things got really difficult in court.”

Newsom’s decision to transfer Waller during a pandemic — something public health officials had advised against for months — has already resulted in Waller contracting Covid-19 inside the Colorado facility. But finally being released from quarantine early this week has been cold comfort for the 55-year-old woman, who could be deported to Belize as soon as this week.

On August 31, after 15 years, Patricia Waller was on the brink of being released from the Central California Women’s Facility (CCWF). Instead of tasting freedom, though, she found herself heading hundreds of miles to a Colorado detention facility after California Governor Gavin Newsom handed her over to Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). Waller was born in Belize — a country she has few remaining ties to but will soon be returning to against her will.

“The question isn’t about the crime the survivor committed,” says Ny Nourn, an immigrant rights community advocate with the Advancing Justice Asian Law Caucus. “It’s about examining the larger system that perpetuates harm.”

Being away from her family, community, and legal team has been “a little stressful, maybe,” Waller tells me over the phone one morning in mid-September, her voice shaking. “I’m trying to figure out where I’m going to go from here, starting over in a country I don’t even remember, with a felony record hanging over my head.”

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fore Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin made their historic landing on the moon, three NASA astronauts circled the moon as part of the Apollo 10 mission. They were Commander Thomas Stafford, Command Module Pilot John Young, and Lunar Module Pilot Eugene Cernan.

While incarcerated, she’d sometimes receive upwards of 100 letters a month, some from people who would write to her weekly. “I once received an origami bird and hung it up on my bed,” Savage recalls. “It was something for me to look at, just to have some support when things got really difficult in court.”

Yet, across the country, dozens of people who have never met Waller have fought for her freedom from ICE custody, mailing her notes of support as they do. Waller considered these letters and postcards critical to remaining focused on her release and preserving a sense of faith beyond her immediate circumstances. “Mail is a big thing, you know,” she says. “When I receive letters, it puts a smile on my face. It reminds me that someone is thinking about me and I haven’t been forgotten.”

Abolitionist organizations like Survived and Punished, SWOP Behind Bars, and Black and Pink identify pen pal relationships as a critical resource for those coping with the isolation of imprisonment. These organizations have coordinated thousands of pen pal relationships, connecting survivors like Waller with people they’ve never met, as part of their larger missions to fight for the fundamental human rights of incarcerated people.

As a teenager, Waller became involved in a relationship with a man in San Diego who subjected her to verbal, physical, and sexual abuse spanning more than a decade. The experience “demoralized and degraded” her, Waller says, and she became a drug addict. At the age of 30, Waller made a series of poor decisions to fuel her addiction, which led to her incarceration. The charges made her, a lawful permanent resident, subject to deportation.