The list goes on: There’s the man who needs “complete silence” from his stay-at-home wife and two toddlers while he work

It’s not just the stories themselves — and how obviously awful they are — that stand out. What makes AITA such a special look into gender dynamics is that the men who describe awful scenarios truly don’t believe they’ve done anything wrong. Sexism has fully lulled them into a sense of moral superiority that blinds them to their own explicitly terrible behavior.,External events, like who wins the presidency, will continue to affect our lives. Of course they will. But we shouldn’t let our emotional reactivity from those events, good or bad, keep us from living a life directed from the inside out — a life steered by our best thinking about who we want to be, how we want to take care of ourselves, and how we want to take care of others. So ask yourself some good questions this week, and make space to be surprised by your own capability.,So if you want a peek into the truth of everyday sexism, just listen to men themselves and you’ll find living in an imaginary world where they are the good guy and women are the problem. You don’t need to break your back doing research on inequality when assholes admit to it daily.,So if you want a peek into the truth of everyday sexism, just listen to men themselves and you’ll find living in an imaginary world where they are the good guy and women are the problem. You don’t need to break your back doing research on inequality when assholes admit to it daily.,The answers to questions like these, whatever they may be, remind you that you are in charge of yourself. And the more self-directed you feel, the more quickly you can bounce back to a higher level of functioning after an intense period of time.,Why else would they believe that a forum full of strangers would somehow validate them for telling their girlfriend that she’s not allowed to talk when they arrive home tired from work, or assure them that it’s fine to constantly diminish their partner’s hobbies as silly and childish?,In addition, many other fields have well-documented protocols on how a (design) process should take place. An example of this is the engineering design process: “A common series of steps that engineers use in creating functional products”, of which the first two steps are research and [defining] design requirements. “Establishing design requirements and conducting requirement analysis, sometimes termed problem definition (or deemed a related activity), is one of the most important elements in the design process.”,Of course, they reason, women should be doing more housework, or agree to change outfits on demand. That’s just the way things are; how could they possibly be at fault? And that’s the rub for so much of American sexism: It’s not just that it’s pervasive, it’s that some of its worst perpetrators refuse to believe that they might be the asshole.,External events, like who wins the presidency, will continue to affect our lives. Of course they will. But we shouldn’t let our emotional reactivity from those events, good or bad, keep us from living a life directed from the inside out — a life steered by our best thinking about who we want to be, how we want to take care of ourselves, and how we want to take care of others. So ask yourself some good questions this week, and make space to be surprised by your own capability.,To counter that feeling, you have to put the focus back on the one thing you can control: yourself. As you exit an emotional week, you can increase your ability to stay thoughtful, do good work, and take care of yourself.,I’ve told my therapy clients before that it’s normal to experience some dip in mood and functioning after a period of high emotion. People often feel low shortly after they graduate from school, for example, or after their team wins a championship.,Part of what’s on display at AITA is entitled ignorance; some men brought up in a sexist world really do believe that there is a natural gendered order that they just happen to benefit from. But the other piece is the anger that so many of these men have when they’re taken to task — first by the girlfriend or wife who inspired them to take to the forum, and then by the forum itself, which lets them know exactly what a jerk they are. The responses to the AITA “verdict” is usually shocked fury, and denial — the original poster will write update after update about how commenters aren’t really understanding what he means. Did you read the part about how she doesn’t really like to rest?,They start with the little annoyances and moments that we tuck away for a fight later on. I remember when I was younger that the piece of relationship advice I was always given was to “pick your battles.”,To help my clients feel more in control of their own emotions and behaviors, I encourage them to come up with a few simple daily questions that help them be more responsible for themselves. Those could look like:,Last week was an emotional roller coaster for everyone. And as we rode the highs and lows of the election results, many of us abandoned our usual habits: We left the TV on all day. We reached for the leftover Halloween candy for dinner. We racked up double-digit hours on our screen usage reports. Now, in the aftermath, we’re struggling to morph back into responsible humans.