There is an art to arguing. Not by trying to get your way, but by understanding how to remain connected with your partne

Do you love spending time with your partner? Is it to the point where as soon as you leave their presence you can’t wait until your next date? Does time drag on between those dates to the point you absolutely need to call them or talk to them or see their face mere hours later?

Whether you count yourself in the believer’s category or not, the idea of a perfect match is sometimes enough to keep you going. But wouldn’t it be nice to know if you’re with your soulmate? Is it possible to determine this? Or is it simply you know when you know?

Has someone ever told you they have the perfect person to match you up with because you’re alike in many ways? It’s happened to me, and it’s a major turnoff. I don’t want someone that’s like me. I’m around me all day. The dogs are around me all day and there are times when I walk into the room they’ll get up and leave.

Early on in my college years, I worked at a pita joint. Think Subway but with pitas. The tanning salon next door had an obvious hiring policy: attractive, thin, perky. Maybe that’s the kind of person who applied to work at a college tanning salon, I don’t know. Can’t say I’m fully abreast of the day-to-day operations of tanning bed operators.

When you first start dating someone your brain likely goes one of two ways. You either think of them all the time, or you think of them only when they’re brought up in a conversation, they text you, you see their picture, or at random points of the day.

In other words, there’s enough of me in the room already. But that’s the same for everyone. There really is such a thing as opposites attracting. A Columbia University research study found that couples with similar personalities and who share similar physical traits are less likely to last. So you know that couple from your last dinner party that agreed on every single topic in a rather annoying way? Well, you might have the last laugh because couples who agree on everything are less likely to go the distance because they don’t know how to argue.

However, the chemical release doesn’t happen with just anyone. You can’t trick yourself into falling in love. Your brain knows when you’re attracted at a physical, mental, and emotional level. It’s also why sex with someone you love feels different than a one night stand. Sex will always release some level of dopamine in the brain, but combine that with the love-addiction chemicals of adrenalin, vasopressin, oxytocin (to name a few).

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perative to understand that these aren’t facts, but assumptions that have been made by historians along the way, which in some perspective seem plausible. The British Royal family has always been known throughout history to be quite cold with their siblings and to care more about their own status as royalty.

When you see the person your brain releases these chemicals, so you are actually receiving a similar high as if you were taking narcotics. This means you, in the truest sense of the word, are addicted to your partner.

Why is all this thinking about someone so important? Because, according to a Stony Brook University study, the very chemical makeup of your brain changes when you’re truly in love with someone. It alters the reactions within the brain. Like your brain has placed billboards of the person you love on every street corner.

Anyway, one of the girls had me smitten. It was more the bubbly personality, laugh, and slight awkwardness more than anything else. For whatever reason, an askew awkwardness, especially upon meeting, is especially attractive. It doesn’t feel glossed over or an act. It’s authentic. Eventually, we started dating. I don’t even understand how I pulled that one-off. There was an older gentleman who would come in, grab a pita, then go over to the tanning salon to flirt with the girls. The day he found out I was dating her he came in, stood there, and just watched me. A way-too-long kind of watch. When I asked what was up he said: I’m trying to figure out how you pulled it off.

If you’ve been through a bad breakup before (my hand is raised) it feels more than devastating. As if something in your body actually broke. In many ways, it’s not too different from someone addicted to cocaine going cold turkey. Your body no longer releases the chemicals it’s become accustomed to receiving.

Addiction to your special someone doesn’t automatically mean you’ve met your soulmate, but it’s a feeling that doesn’t come along with many others, so at the very least you’re on the right track.

While quantifying whether you’re with the perfect person for you in the entire world isn’t possible, there are ways to figure out whether the two of you are right for one another, or if your soulmate is still out there, lost, in search of you.

Because true love very much is like forming a strong addiction. Just how much of an addiction? According to research conducted by Syracuse University, strong love releases the exact same chemicals in the brain as doing cocaine.