There is no question a thesaurus can lead you astray — it has the potential to be like shopping in a store with one of t

The minute you call yourself a professional, you put yourself on the defensive. Professionals are supposed to be omniscient, crystal ball readers. At least, that’s what we think when we’re sitting across from a client or peer.

To accomplish that, I use the murder weapon — oops, I mean, the thesaurus. It has lots of words in it. I treat browsing in it like a shopping expedition, picking up the different offerings and checking their weight and ripeness, and when I find just the right one, I grab it. Isn’t that what writing is about?

But the constant skeptic, the one who tears down everyone else’s dreams, the one who never professes their own values, the one who exists merely to wag their finger. Man, they are miserable people.

We hadn’t planned for that moment, but fifteen years later, it still results in a series of belly-laughs. It’s the small, unexpected moments we remember most fondly. We can’t plan or predict them, but we can give them a chance to happen by spending time with people we enjoy.

The same happens for joyous events too. If you’ve ever felt the elation of a pay raise, you know that in a matter of weeks, you’ll revert to your previous level of happiness or dissatisfaction.

Do they siphon your energy without ever giving back? Have you ever had that friend who leeches onto you when they’re in trouble but then vanishes from existence when you’re in need?

It happens so often. A boss or authority figure mistreats you. Infuriated, you resolve to correct the injustice. A few days pass, and your fury dissipates into acceptance.

When you slap the professional label on yourself, you not only have to prove it, but you also must defend it. Some folks are comfortable with that. I’m not one of those people, so I don’t refer to myself as one. Instead, I state what I do and let my work convince people I’m a pro.

When families get together, they often talk about nostalgic memories. When I’m with mine, we reminisce about the time we ran out of gas a half-mile from a restaurant and pushed our car the rest of the way.

Have you ever sat in a meeting, struggling to understand something, wanting to ask a question, but remaining silent out of fear of sounding stupid? I’ll admit, I sometimes allow that fear to overcome my good sense. When it’s a choice between ignorance or embarrassment, we choose ignorance.

It’s far easier to shoot down ideas than it is to put forward your own. It’s safer to attack other people’s beliefs than it is to believe in something yourself. You probably know somebody like this — a peer, friend, or family member. They’re quick to find fault with your vision but devoid of original thinking themselves.

I have a decent vocabulary — not amazing, not dazzling, but good enough. It’s sturdy, probably better than average. When writing, I get tired of the words I use all the time and like getting goosed by the options the thesaurus suggests. I like to think I choose wisely, and I am careful not to slot in a word just because it’s obscure, and I definitely don’t use a word that I don’t thoroughly understand in all of its shaded meanings.

I don’t mean to act like a dummy; I know why people react this way. All of us at some point in high school found ourselves writing a paper and wanting to get a better grade, so we started mining the thesaurus for fancier, more expensive words to substitute for the ones we had used. Often, we had no idea of what these fancier words meant, how misbegotten they were in our otherwise plain-spun paper. Our teachers sure noticed and slashed their mean red pencils through those wrongheaded words. Fear of the thesaurus thus begins. The idea that using a thesaurus is cheating can’t be shaken—but it’s ridiculous.

Since then, I’ve learned that it’s better to distance yourself from friends that prove problematic and let go of ones that cause you misery. These three questions unmask the troublemakers.

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ike me, you pride yourself on your observation and listening skills. Lean into these qualities. Go at people one-on-one. Learn about their dreams, aspirations, challenges, and fears. Be thoughtful. Listen. Being caring is the ultimate competitive advantage.