Trust is the key ingredient that ties all great relationships together. It’s the glue. The beauty of Robin’s teaching is

Thoughtfulness: Again, this doesn’t have to be a big thing. Little gestures like offering someone a mint, a tissue, or even hand-sanitizer (given the recent mess we have all found ourselves in) can go a long way in building rapport.

I always have a pencil in hand when I read nonfiction. When I read the introduction to Super Attractor, I made a point to write “promise” next to every statement that Bernstein made that sounded like a promise to me.

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requires the optimisation process to balance exploitation (of rewards) and exploration (of different routes) to achieve the goal based on its objectives. But at times, the value function is not clear. DeepMind revolutionised this space by introducing Neural Networks and making it possible to apply Reinforcement learning to these incredibly complicated games, like Chess and Go.

Validate thoughts and opinions: When someone says something that you may not agree with, instead of shutting them down, Robin recommends saying a variation of this phrase instead — “Oh, that’s really interesting. I never heard it in quite that way. Help me understand. How did you come up with that?”

Listening: The fastest way to improve your listening skills is to simply put your own agenda on hold. As Robin said — “When the focus is on the other person and we’re not anxious to tell our own story, we also tend to remember the details. We’re mindful.”

Robin doesn’t use this technique all the time. In fact, if the other techniques are working, he doesn’t use it at all. There are two instances, however, where quid pro quo (aka give a little to get a little) can come in handy —

Sincere compliments are always nice. The same goes for thoughtful follow-up messages after you’ve met someone or being attentive and offering someone a material gift like a mint, as mentioned above.

“Once the individual being targeted in the conversation supplies more words and thoughts, a great conversationalist will utilize the content given and continue to ask open-ended questions about the same content.” — Robin Dreeke

According to Robin, however, one of the most valuable gifts we can give to another human being is our “focus.” After all, as human beings, we all like different things, but one of the few things we have in common is we love to know that our voice is being heard and we are truly seen.

We’ve all experienced at one time or another going into a conversation with high expectations and we walked away feeling disappointed. We’ve also all experienced the flip-side of this situation where it was clear the person you were speaking with wanted something from you.

A few months ago I opened up my email and staring back at me was a request to have a chat with someone whose work I greatly admire. Prior to the call, I was a ball of nerves and I wrote out a ton of questions to help me feel more prepared. But when the call I ended I realized I didn’t get a chance to ask any of them. The reason for this is simple: the woman kept the focus entirely on me.

“The individuals in life that are able to either mask their agenda or shift the agenda to something altruistic will have great success at building rapport.” — Robin Dreeke

We all have agendas. The key to building trust with people, however, is to put our own wants, needs, dreams, and opinions on hold to better learn about the person we are speaking with. After all, the most valuable people take the time to understand what other people value.

During her last show, Oprah Winfrey shared her secret for getting people to open up to her: “I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show and all 30,000 had one thing in common. They all wanted validation.”

Remember this the next time you are speaking with someone who is reserved or becomes long-winded. By leaking details about your own experiences, you may find they are open to continuing to talk about their own.