We don’t all have the same burdens, psychological profiles, traumatic histories. In fact, the only way you’ll know if yo

When you put the drink down, you are left with reality. This is why I drank, you realise. The limitations of your talent, work ethic, attention span. But you might recognize too how much you have achieved, how much you already have. That you are a survivor.

Life is hard and for me, drinking only made it harder. I mean sure, it gave me a break too. But once the booze wore off, my problems were still there. Some of them growing more complex as the months rolled by. Meanwhile, I was getting older.

Personally, I found all this change exciting, because — spoiler alert — before I quit drinking I was miserable. That’s why I quit. But not everybody quits because they’re unhappy (apparently.) The sober curious crowd do it for the perks. Others do it as part of their spiritual path.

As a kid, it looked like adult life was rubbish. I didn’t want any part of it. And so I felt no pressure or urgency to grow up. I was allergic to responsibility and determined to avoid it for as long as I could.

And so I learned to take responsibility. And my life began to fill up with things that mattered to me. As I took care of them and myself, life came to feel meaningful and precious.

For the first time since I can remember, I was truly able to appreciate the gifts I had in my life. Basic things like sight and mobility, living parents and some solid skills. I started to validate myself, and to aim higher, and to make progress again. A lot of it was internal stuff: developing self-love and learning to have healthy relationships, but some of it was external too. I got a better job, and lost some weight. I stopped getting into debt and started to save.

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ifies as a first-generation Haitian-American, I struggled with how society automatically attributed my identity: African American — one that did not match my personal experience throughout my youth. I was conditioned to view my identity as singular, often disguised as multiple choice questions on Scantron tests and college applications. From a historical perspective, my ancestral roots originate in Africa; however, my enslaved ancestors were not sent to American soil. My lived ethnic experience encompasses more nuance than the collective African American experience from which I gleaned in my youth.

I still have a long way to go, but I’m no longer getting in my own way as much as I used to. Following through on your commitments because you aren’t hanging out your arse is a pretty effective way of getting things done it turns out.

In early sobriety, you need to be surrounded by people that understand why it’s important you don’t drink. And you need a job that matches your energy levels now you can’t use wine to get you through.

The process of getting sober, and doing the work required to stay that way, allowed me to see that I was incredibly, shockingly, embarrassingly immature. Some of my ideas and beliefs hadn’t been reappraised since I was fifteen or sixteen. Many of them no longer served me. Some of them actively worked against me.

Being sober all the time in this world is tough. Have you seen it out there? Yikes. Sometimes it gets too much for me. I go to the GP to ask for help or I go to therapy (when I can afford it). I lean on community support groups like AA and ACA, and I’ve even started asking for help at work.

You think you’re giving up booze, but actually, you’re becoming another kind of person. The new you might need a less stressful job. A more supportive partner. A less hectic weekend routine. It isn’t the same for everybody, but that’s how it went for me.

It was tough at first. In my first year, I had to entirely reimagine what fun was. That’s how far I was from having any. I had to let go of the cool and silly and spontaneous drinking persona I had enjoyed (and hidden inside) for so long.

For me, the payoff wasn’t there anymore. It hadn’t been for years. That’s why I longed to be sober. At 33 I’d done the party years, the pub years and the student years to death. I was sick of chatting shite and chain-smoking when I would rather read a book and have an early night. I was desperate for something else. And yet, I kept getting drunk.

Drinking allows you to live a fantasy life in which you are cool and smooth and successful. Everything is possible when you drink. Sinking that first beer you wonder why on earth you have ever been anxious.