Why? If she really is based off me, Riot could be inappropriately profiting off of my likeness. And that sucks. But on a

But, Holly Robinson Peete also nabbed executive producer credits after proving her suitability to HMU’s specific tastes. (Vivica A. Fox seemed to be on that path but she has partnered with Lifetime network instead. It’s a better fit. Vivica’s eyebrow says “I have had sex and I will do it again.” Not very HMU.)

The women behind-the-scenes may be why HMU marquee actresses gush about working on set. Whether it is public relations spin or not, actresses like Lacey Chabert, Danica McKellar and Alicia Witt cannot say enough about how much they enjoy the environment on set. The schedule allows them to practice their trade and have families. The network head encourages family-friendly work schedules. Directors happily shoot around late-stage pregnancies. If you have kids, HMU sounds like a good work culture:

HMU is still whiter than Prairie Home Companion and straighter than Prairie Home Companion pretended to be. There is no two ways about this. HMU is white. Even their negligible non-white talent somehow manages to be white. It is a real feat. But, the network’s few Black talents seem to get the same shot at production credits as their white actresses. (There are no Asian or Native actresses that I could find and only one questionable Latina.)

Variety reported that CBS TV Studios opened two human resources investigations into allegations of sexual harassment and discrimination against Kern, the showrunner of NCIS: New Orleans, in 2016. The allegations included making sexualized remarks about women, giving women massages without their consent and mocking a nursing mother in front of her colleagues. — “Here Are All the Public Figures Who’ve Been Accused of Sexual Misconduct After Harvey Weinstein” by Samantha Cooney (Time Magazine)

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ang’s developers made an incredible design and implementation work, and as a result, we now have one of the most convenient and cost-effective languages in the game. And since they were seeking a way to increase the speed and efficiency of development and maintenance of large code bases, Go ended up being an ultimate productivity-enhancer tool.

If you don’t mind your feminism aiming for the low hanging fruit, you could do worse than the HMU. Producers hire women writers, make movies where women speak and occasionally rewards women with director credits. Along the way, directors and producers don’t appear to grope women when they come to work and Hallmark rewards performance with equity stakes. Sometimes they even do it for a woman who isn’t white. That is at least as feminist as anything I bet you’re watching during the pandemic.

Of course, this feminism is all possible within a patriarchal parent company that rewards obedience to fecund motherhood as the height of women’s ambitions and aggressively dodges worker’s unions. There is a whole thesis to be written about Peete calling herself a “mama”, which I have previously argued as a Judeo-Christian white identity politic that is as poisonous to public life as is “MAGA”. But y’all ain’t ready for that.

On The 12th Date of Christmas is hilarious because the male lead is one of my HMU favorites. He seems to hate his job. Not his pretend job, which in this film is some tech bro app company. Apps are the only technology currency that HMU understands, by the way. Well, apps and blogging. Anyway, this actor’s face is just always fed up with the whole pretense of the genre. And he has a beard. In HMU, that basically makes him Walter White. The woman is silly but whatever. We are here for Walter White. Watch.

Contrast that with women’s horror stories on mainstream television and movie sets. You can literally do a basic google search of “breastfeeding harassment in Hollywood”, like I did. It is that bad. I have a particular distaste for Brad Kern from CBS:

Chateau Christmas is kind of bad but also kind of okay. Margot is fine. She has a suitable woman talent. She plays piano. But her male co-lead, Jackson, is named Jackson. I already do not like that. He is also a music professor who got a PhD and supposedly wants to be Department Chair. I don’t trust anyone who wants to be a Real Housewife of any city but Atlanta or an academic Department Chair. Those just aren’t real things to want. And I don’t like this guy’s face. It has too many points. But it won’t make you sick or anything. Soft Pass.

On The 12th Date of Christmas is hilarious because the male lead is one of my HMU favorites. He seems to hate his job. Not his pretend job, which in this film is some tech bro app company. Apps are the only technology currency that HMU understands, by the way. Well, apps and blogging. Anyway, this actor’s face is just always fed up with the whole pretense of the genre. And he has a beard. In HMU, that basically makes him Walter White. The woman is silly but whatever. We are here for Walter White. Watch.

Jingle Bell Bride is one of HMUs new interracial love stories. It is not good. Hallmark hasn’t yet learned that you cannot just color the characters in the brown crayon and keep the same formula. Or, you can, but then you risk awkward scenarios like the “meet cute” where the female lead ignores the male lead in an empty airport hangar. When they’re both white, its a meet cute. When the male lead is a Black man? Your female lead just became casually racist. Pass.

A lot of those women’s names in the title sequence include the names of Hallmark marquee actresses. Before she was cast off the island for being scandalous, Lori Loughlin was a top HMU property. She nailed the Hallmark trifecta of guilelessness, thinness, and an emotive eyebrow. Paired with her nostalgic tie to a 1980s network family sitcom, Loughlin was born to dominate in the HMU. And she did, moving from actress to series lead and eventually to executive producer of most of her Hallmark properties. That is notable for a woman, generally, but it is virtually unheard of for a Black woman in film or television at any level of prestige.

One Royal Holiday did not stand a chance with me. I hate royalty fantasies. If I am going to fantasize about being a colonizer, I will watch the Beyonce Lion King. But I got roped in because someone on Twitter said there is a Black woman in it. She is the sassy Black friend and the mayor. HMU likes to make Black women the mayor. It is reparations for not having Black women leads. The Black woman has naturally curly hair so she is allowed to have a secondary love interest. They’re fine. Still, it is a royalty movie nostalgic for Nordic fantasies of whiteness. Hard Pass.

For some weird reason, I thought my neighbor was a secret service agent, CIA, or something similar. The way he moves, talk and behave just gave me that feeling. One night after seen him go to his garage and stayed there for hours, I knew something strange was going on. I need evidence to back up my claims, and the only thing that came to my mind was to get into his home network.