You come across as empathetic instead of judgmental. Right or wrong, when you assume you understand other people, you’re

Reassurance becomes problematic when it becomes habitual. When your immediate and sole response to fear or insecurity is to go to another person for relief, it becomes a form of self-sabotage.

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history of overconfidence in stocks and money printing going wrong is Japan’s Lost Decade. Japan still hasn’t fully recovered. They too thought stocks would go up forever and the Bank of Japan could keep buying financial assets to save the markets through quantitate easing.

Sure, worrying about how you could handle all sorts of terrible things briefly makes you feel in control, but the mountain of stress and anxiety catches up to you eventually. Because when you’re chronically stressed and anxious, you start seeing more and more things to worry about, which leads to more and more anxiety and stress.

And while I’m very good at noticing this and inferring what she’s essentially thinking and feeling at that moment, this ability to basically read her mind is dangerous. Why?

Trouble is… surprise is an emotional amplifier: Feeling angry is hard enough. But when you feel angry after expecting to feel appreciated, your anger — and all the unhelpful behaviors that follow from it — is going to grow much bigger and more painful.

On the other hand, people get sent to jail all the time for acting aggressively. And the reason? You can control your actions, which means you can be held accountable for them and they can be judged as right or wrong, good or bad.

This means that most of us walk around thinking we know what other people want and feel but being wrong most of the time. And as a result, we make lots of bad assumptions about what they want and need. So we end up doing and saying a lot of stupid things which leads to lots of stupid conflicts which leads to… lots of unhappiness.

If you’re a chronic worrier, you know how much anxiety and stress it adds to your life. You also probably realize that worrying about bad things happening doesn’t seem to actually make good things happen instead. In other words, you probably realize that worrying is all side effect and no cure.

My wife has a distinctive forehead tightening that can mean only one thing — the kids have been little monsters all day long and you need to take them to the park right now and give me at least an hour of space and quiet or else…

See, for every one situation where you actually are good at reading someone else’s mind, there are probably a dozen where you’re terrible at it. But the success of the one or two victories leads you to a false sense of confidence about the others.

The issue with expectations like this is that, right or wrong, your expectations will frequently get violated. And each time they get violated, you’re going to experience surprise and shock on top of whatever other emotion you feel.

This is why no one ever gets sent to jail for feeling angry — you can’t control whether you feel angry or not, and therefore, it’s not something you can be held accountable for.

If you want to become happier, calmer, and more emotionally stable — especially in your relationships — start paying more attention to your expectations. And once you start noticing them, adjust them to be more realistic or throw them out entirely.

We all feel anxious sometimes. And obviously, feeling anxious is uncomfortable — painful even. So what could be more natural than the desire to alleviate that pain and discomfort?

So you worry. Because, even though worrying creates anxiety, it alleviates helplessness (temporarily, anyway). And for many people, they’d rather feel anxious and stressed than helpless.