You should feel like the top priority in your relationship. If you rank behind your partner’s friends or work or Pintere

Author : 6ostad.99w
Publish Date : 2021-01-07 07:55:35


You should feel like the top priority in your relationship. If you rank behind your partner’s friends or work or Pintere

Conflict is okay — even healthy — as a way of sorting out difficulties in a relationship. But some people pick fights for their own reasons —maybe they’ve been raised around conflict so they’re most comfortable on the “battle ground”; maybe they want to provoke a reaction from you; maybe they just hate their boss/job.

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portant part of every relationship. They protect us from people who try to take advantage of us, but they also help us to communicate and explain our needs as well as our expectations. Our boundaries are the barriers that let partners and loved ones know where the lines lie. In order to build partnerships that last, we have to secure our boundaries and ensure that are both respected and aligned.

That doesn’t mean we can’t have a good time and get close to people. That’s a misconception about Stoicism, you know. Some narrow-minded people think it’s “dangerous” to live more like the Stoics, or to focus more on the self. They don’t get it, and that’s fine. The truth is that the Stoics cared immensely about their friends and family. They dedicated most of their lives encouraging others to live well. If that’s not altruistic, I don’t know what is. When you inspire the people in your life to be happier and tranquil, all of your lives will be better.

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” — Juno

“Does all of this mean we can’t plan or set goals? If everything is borrowed, what’s the point?” Plan all you want! Enjoy your friendships, career, and even material possessions. I’m all about that. I love to plan everything. Just don’t get attached to your plans. Always be flexible. As our friend Epictetus said, be ready when the ship departs. As you’re creating plans for the holidays and the new year, keep that in the back of your mind. If something falls through, quickly let go of your old plan, and come up with something new. Think creatively and never stop trying to make the best of it. All the best.

Loving partners are not secretive; they’re open about where they are and who they’re with. If their plans change, they’ll call you or flick you a text. Because, in their excitement of being with others and whatever they’re doing, they haven’t forgotten about you. They’re thoughtful. And you matter.

“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships . . . which are basically a reflection of your sense of decency, your ability to think of others, your generosity.” ― Esther Perel

Relationships should be like a job share. You each do the “stuff” you’re good at/like so you’re both contributing. A loving partner won’t lie on the couch with a giant bag of chips and the remote while you do all the chores, sort the kids, pay the bills, mow the lawns, cook the dinner, organise your lives. A loving partner will contribute — willingly.

It’s entirely human to be attracted to other people. It’s how you show it that makes all the difference to your relationship. Some people flirt because it’s habitual, almost ingrained in their personality. That’s fine if you don’t mind. But, if you do mind (and you’ve told them so), it’s disrespectful. A loving partner respects you and your feelings — so leaves you in no doubt that, to them, you are the most important person in the room.

You should feel like the top priority in your relationship. If you rank behind your partner’s friends or work or Pinterest account or phone or mountain bike or golf clubs or latest fitness fad, you’re in trouble. Independence is important, and you both need lives/friends of your own, but a loving partner will keep you at no. 1 — even when temptation beckons.

But someone who continually picks fights — and can’t enjoy the chill times — is hard to be with: they’ll end up making you anxious or causing you to shut down. A loving partner doesn’t go looking for trouble — they’ll address the issues that need sorting, but let the rest go.

Perfect doesn’t exist inside relationships — so that’s not the goal. The goal is to be as loving and supportive as you can, and to make an honest contribution to your relationship.

This is a low-blow and if you find yourself on the end of it your partner has gone beyond not being loving to being an asshole. Your partner shouldn’t take a crack at you where it really hurts — such as your body/physical appearance or personality. (But they are allowed to speak up for where something is hurting them, such as your untreated mental health issues or addictions). A loving partner will encourage and support you to work on the things YOU want to work on, but they’ll love you anyway.

Some couples operate a “rock” and “rolling stone” system where one person provides the steadiness, and most of the support, for their more emotional partner. That’s fine if you’re both happy with it. But a loving partner who is going through a hard time will realise when enough is enough — they won’t exhaust you with their problems — they’ll make room for your “stuff” too.

“Does all of this mean we can’t plan or set goals? If everything is borrowed, what’s the point?” Plan all you want! Enjoy your friendships, career, and even material possessions. I’m all about that. I love to plan everything. Just don’t get attached to your plans. Always be flexible. As our friend Epictetus said, be ready when the ship departs. As you’re creating plans for the holidays and the new year, keep that in the back of your mind. If something falls through, quickly let go of your old plan, and come up with something new. Think creatively and never stop trying to make the best of it. All the best.



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