Finding the Path to Being Enough

As I was scrolling through Facebook the other day my eyes landed on an advertisement for a course that promised to teach me how to find inner peace. Facebook has me pegged. Inner peace is something I have been looking for my whole life. The elusive nature of this blissful state keeps me searching, hungering, and working toward that golden pinnacle. “When I find the key, I will be ok,” I think. Then I will be enough.
My finger hovers over the ‘order now’ button for the course. I am tempted. Maybe this will be the one. Maybe I will finally find inner peace. Maybe I will finally figure out how to be enough.

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In the end, I scroll on past the course because I have done this drill a thousand times before. I order a course, I sign up for a webinar, I listen to podcasts, I order books. I subscribe to email newsletters which end up cluttering my inbox and overwhelming me. They all promise that if I will follow their path I will be able to rest in being enough. At least, that is how I read it.
The irony is that by trying to feel like I am enough, I now have too much. I am paralyzed by the thought of trying to sort out all the courses I have purchased. I don’t really have the time to do them all. I feel guilty when I let them sit there unfinished, or I don’t show up at the appointed time. It all leaves no room in my life for other things.
This reminds me of a story I have heard many times.
In the Buddhist tradition, a story is told about a student who is seeking wisdom from a wise old monk. His questions tumble out so fast the monk barely has time to answer before he fires off another one, and the monk finally stops answering. Eventually, the monk asks the student to pour him a cup of tea. “I will tell you when to stop.”
The earnest young student begins to pour, and the cup starts to overflow. Still the monk says nothing. Exasperated the student cries, “Can’t you see the cup is full? It will not hold any more!”
“And so it is with you,” the teacher tells him. “Your mind is full of too many things. Only when it is empty will there be more room for knowledge to come in.”
And so it is with me. I have too much in my head, and I am holding too much in my hands. I have no room for any wisdom to come in. I need to simplify, and stop ordering things I think will be the answer to all my questions.
I want to find that sweet spot where life is easeful, measured, simple. I crave a quiet calm that follows me throughout my days no matter what I am doing — enjoying the gentle rhythms of a life that is lived