TOP 50 FUNNY BOOK QUOTES

There are too many circumstances, too many big events that come up and require the significant other or the afflicted to scream, “Get the acne cream, stat!”  The unexpected and of course unwanted zit appears just as our biggest moment approaches, be it a wedding, a high school graduation or prom, a first date, a job interview, or any other appointment where first impressions will keep the acne cream companies in business.  

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TV sit-coms play on this debacle with which so many of us identify: in one episode of "Wings," for instance, Joe Hackett (played by the typically beautiful Timothy Daly), is getting ready for his high school reunion on the island of Nantucket.  Joe’s brother, Brian (played by the equally gorgeous Steven Weber)--who classically gets his kicks pointing out flaws his brother inevitably has--points out a huge zit that has appeared suddenly on Joe’s nose.  The zit, of course, is of the kind and size that you'd want to lance and medicate ASAP, retrieving the magic acne cream that really does work...if not in an hour at least overnight.  For the sake of the sit-com laugh, however, Joe obsesses over unpleasant development every five minutes, over-burdening his acne cream of choice by expecting too much too soon.

This is not to say that acne cream doesn’t work; acne cream just does not perform at an absurdly rapid rate...over a period of thirty sit-com minutes.  Rather, acne cream requires a few steps or considerations in order for it to be, still, a miracle acne cream.  For example, you need to consider what kind of skin you have and which acne cream or product is appropriate—and fast-acting:
   
IF YOU HAVE OILY SKIN…..takes best to a medicated acne product or one in gel form.
IF YOU HAVE DRY SKIN…...likes the acne cream form and medicated products with benzoyl peroxide or salycic acid.
IF YOU HAVE BOTH OILY AND DRY (COMBINED TYPE)…..will heal by areas where the acne lives and so will need oily skin gels and dry skin acne creams, accordingly.
IF YOU HAVE SENSITIVE SKIN…..will need less intense concentrations of either dry, oily, or combined-type treatments.
IF YOU HAVE SKIN IN PAIN BECAUSE OF ACNE…..should get attention from a dermatologist.

In another real (well, sit-com) instance, in an episode of Roseanne, Dan Conner (played by John Goodman), the normally ruby-cheeked and adorable working-class guy, has to deal with the same problem Joe Hackett and many of us have had to deal with:  he is getting ready for a reunion and finds he has a massive zit, a zit he hasn't had since adolescence.  Acne cream, again, is a solution, but maybe not a fair one.  Better to relax, as that acne is appearing because of stress, touching the face, or exaggerated oils brought on by the impact of work, sweat, and anxiety over the past or what have you.

We real-life characters have experienced these sudden, ill-timed breakouts and we maybe have children or a past record of needing warehouses of acne cream and other skin products and treatments.  All we need do, instead of freaking out further and having a contest to see who gets to pop first, is investigate a bit, ask a few questions of our primary care physician or dermatologist, and do a couple of experiments of our own.  When we approach the results, we keep in mind the above acne cream checklist of suggestions.  And we opt for make-up if all else fails…if the event comes before the acne cream has a chance.

There are too many circumstances, too many big events that come up and require the significant other or the afflicted to scream, “Get the acne cream, stat!”  The unexpected and of course unwanted zit appears just as our biggest moment approaches, be it a wedding, a high school graduation or prom, a first date, a job interview, or any other appointment where first impressions will keep the acne cream companies in business.  TV sit-coms play on this debacle with which so many of us identify: in one episode of "Wings," for instance, Joe Hackett (played by the typically beautiful Timothy Daly), is getting ready for his high school reunion on the island of Nantucket.  Joe’s brother, Brian (played by the equally gorgeous Steven Weber)--who classically gets his kicks pointing out flaws his brother inevitably has--points out a huge zit that has appeared suddenly on Joe’s nose.  The zit, of course, is of the kind and size that you'd want to lance and medicate ASAP, retrieving the magic acne cream that really does work...if not in an hour at least overnight.  For the sake of the sit-com laugh, however, Joe obsesses over unpleasant development every five minutes, over-burdening his acne cream of choice by expecting too much too soon.

This is not to say that acne cream doesn’t work; acne cream just does not perform at an absurdly rapid rate...over a period of thirty sit-com minutes.  Rather, acne cream requires a few steps or considerations in order for it to be, still, a miracle acne cream.  For example, you need to consider what kind of skin you have and which acne cream or product is appropriate—and fast-acting:
   
IF YOU HAVE OILY SKIN…..takes best to a medicated acne product or one in gel form.
IF YOU HAVE DRY SKIN…...likes the acne cream form and medicated products with benzoyl peroxide or salycic acid.
IF YOU HAVE BOTH OILY AND DRY (COMBINED TYPE)…..will heal by areas where the acne lives and so will need oily skin gels and dry skin acne creams, accordingly.
IF YOU HAVE SENSITIVE SKIN…..will need less intense concentrations of either dry, oily, or combined-type treatments.
IF YOU HAVE SKIN IN PAIN BECAUSE OF ACNE…..should get attention from a dermatologist.

In another real (well, sit-com) instance, in an episode of Roseanne, Dan Conner (played by John Goodman), the normally ruby-cheeked and adorable working-class guy, has to deal with the same problem Joe Hackett and many of us have had to deal with:  he is getting ready for a reunion and finds he has a massive zit, a zit he hasn't had since adolescence.  Acne cream, again, is a solution, but maybe not a fair one.  Better to relax, as that acne is appearing because of stress, touching the face, or exaggerated oils brought on by the impact of work, sweat, and anxiety over the past or what have you.

We real-life characters have experienced these sudden, ill-timed breakouts and we maybe have children or a past record of needing warehouses of acne cream and other skin products and treatments.  All we need do, instead of freaking out further and having a contest to see who gets to pop first, is investigate a bit, ask a few questions of our primary care physician or dermatologist, and do a couple of experiments of our own.  When we approach the results, we keep in mind the above acne cream checklist of suggestions.  And we opt for make-up if all else fails…if the event comes before the acne cream has a chance.

There are too many circumstances, too many big events that come up and require the significant other or the afflicted to scream, “Get the acne cream, stat!”  The unexpected and of course unwanted zit appears just as our biggest moment approaches, be it a wedding, a high school graduation or prom, a first date, a job interview, or any other appointment where first impressions will keep the acne cream companies in business.  TV sit-coms play on this debacle with which so many of us identify: in one episode of "Wings," for instance, Joe Hackett (played by the typically beautiful Timothy Daly), is getting ready for his high school reunion on the island of Nantucket.  Joe’s brother, Brian (played by the equally gorgeous Steven Weber)--who classically gets his kicks pointing out flaws his brother inevitably has--points out a huge zit that has appeared suddenly on Joe’s nose.  The zit, of course, is of the kind and size that you'd want to lance and medicate ASAP, retrieving the magic acne cream that really does work...if not in an hour at least overnight.  For the sake of the sit-com laugh, however, Joe obsesses over unpleasant development every five minutes, over-burdening his acne cream of choice by expecting too much too soon.

This is not to say that acne cream doesn’t work; acne cream just does not perform at an absurdly rapid rate...over a period of thirty sit-com minutes.  Rather, acne cream requires a few steps or considerations in order for it to be, still, a miracle acne cream.  For example, you need to consider what kind of skin you have and which acne cream or product is appropriate—and fast-acting:
   
IF YOU HAVE OILY SKIN…..takes best to a medicated acne product or one in gel form.
IF YOU HAVE DRY SKIN…...likes the acne cream form and medicated products with benzoyl peroxide or salycic acid.
IF YOU HAVE BOTH OILY AND DRY (COMBINED TYPE)…..will heal by areas where the acne lives and so will need oily skin gels and dry skin acne creams, accordingly.
IF YOU HAVE SENSITIVE SKIN…..will need less intense concentrations of either dry, oily, or combined-type treatments.
IF YOU HAVE SKIN IN PAIN BECAUSE OF ACNE…..should get attention from a dermatologist.

In another real (well, sit-com) instance, in an episode of Roseanne, Dan Conner (played by John Goodman), the normally ruby-cheeked and adorable working-class guy, has to deal with the same problem Joe Hackett and many of us have had to deal with:  he is getting ready for a reunion and finds he has a massive zit, a zit he hasn't had since adolescence.  Acne cream, again, is a solution, but maybe not a fair one.  Better to relax, as that acne is appearing because of stress, touching the face, or exaggerated oils brought on by the impact of work, sweat, and anxiety over the past or what have you.

We real-life characters have experienced these sudden, ill-timed breakouts and we maybe have children or a past record of needing warehouses of acne cream and other skin products and treatments.  All we need do, instead of freaking out further and having a contest to see who gets to pop first, is investigate a bit, ask a few questions of our primary care physician or dermatologist, and do a couple of experiments of our own.  When we approach the results, we keep in mind the above acne cream checklist of suggestions.  And we opt for make-up if all else fails…if the event comes before the acne cream has a chance.

There are too many circumstances, too many big events that come up and require the significant other or the afflicted to scream, “Get the acne cream, stat!”  The unexpected and of course unwanted zit appears just as our biggest moment approaches, be it a wedding, a high school graduation or prom, a first date, a job interview, or any other appointment where first impressions will keep the acne cream companies in business.  TV sit-coms play on this debacle with which so many of us identify: in one episode of "Wings," for instance, Joe Hackett (played by the typically beautiful Timothy Daly), is getting ready for his high school reunion on the island of Nantucket.  Joe’s brother, Brian (played