Upgrade Your Thinking From Inside Out

Isn't it interesting... we don't hesitate to fix our computers when they are in need of an upgrade. The blooming things annoy us no end. They take too long to connect, perhaps a page won't open without a plugin or you spend the day just trying to get the computer to talk to the scanner. Maybe the browser won't open and you are unable to listen to a webinar because you need to install something, the list goes on. Our frustrations and impatience with technology often causes us to reach for the phone and call the IT guy. He comes over and sorts out the frustrating machine without too much fuss. Often he will just do some sort of small upgrade and whallah... fixed. We are left feeling relieved and happy that now we can finally get some work done. Right? No problem... done. All is right in our world!

So what about when our thoughts play up, or our thinking isn't working properly. How do we upgrade this situation?

Perhaps you wake up feeling down in the dumps, or you might be filled with worries or fears about some aspect of your life, you might even find you are telling yourself stories or assuming things that may well be incorrect. The day doesn't seem to be getting any better. So what do you do with all this stuff? How do you turn this yukky negative head space around? We may hear ourselves say "I'm just not good enough" or "Why can't I be as good or lucky or rich or thin as they are"? "My life seems so complicated at times, I don't need this stuff". We may compare ourselves to others and feel like a real failure". From that point we can then proceed to beat ourselves up, telling stories about how useless we are which leads to gloom, doom and despair.

What upgrade is available for that?

So there you are feeling gloomy, depressed and pretty wretched and dare I say it 'all because you told yourself a negative story about yourself' that put you in a negative head space from the 'Inside Out'.

OK, enough on that let's look at upgrading your thinking.

What does that even mean?

Did you see the Pixar Movie "Inside Out" - I highly recommend this cool movie. The story is about an 11-year-old girl Riley. It's a delightful story where we see inside Riley's mind as she expresses her joy, fear, disgust, anger and sadness in her life as she moves across country, goes through puberty and experiences many changes. The characters in her head have personas and have no problem expressing themselves. Her emotions are funny but also very believable. Apparently psychologists helped Pixar in the making of the movie. They wanted the emotional intelligence to be as close as possible to reality. I think they did a great job. If you Google "Inside Out psychologists" you will see lots of articles about the movie. Although it's a kid's movie it's also relevant for adults, offering a ton of insights.

So for the sake of emotional intelligence and upgrading your thinking, let's take the emotion of sadness. What do YOU do when you feel down in the dumps? Do you cry? Do you ignore it? Do you get annoyed, frustrated, eat, drink, sleep, or find some other way so you can just ignore this feeling. I don't' know about you but I find that these feelings won't go away if I deny them a voice.

Here is a small technique to upgrade your thinking. You might like to try next time you are feeling down.

For a minute I just want you just consider that we are made up of lots of personas, like in the movie - for example young Riley had the five personas joy, fear, anger, sadness and disgust. Another example of personas is to consider the way we communicate with a variety of people. You talk to your mother in one way and to your boss in another and your lover in yet another way. So with that in mind I want you to consider that the negative feeling you are having (sadness/worry/fear etc.) is a persona who just needs to have some self expression.

Here is the exercise.

Grab and pen and paper and have it handy.Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Sit quietly and bring your attention to your physical body. Right now in this present moment can you feel yourself breathing? Feel your feet on the floor and relax.Using your hands, I want you to imagine that you are lifting the sad part of yourself and putting it onto a chair opposite you as though it is a persona. It's not you, it's a persona. Take a moment to get a sense of this. Separate yourself from the emotion.OK now you are going to have a conversation with that part sitting opposite you. Open your eyes and pick up your pen and start imaginative writing with this persona.In the left hand column write your name and then write. "I'd like to talk to the part of myself that is feeling... hurt or depressed or a failure, or whatever the emotion is that you have identified". On the next line write the name of the persona eg: (failure) or (sadness) or whatever emotion you have identified with. If there is no name, just put feeling (as the name). Take a deep breath and just relax. It might feel silly at first but trust me it will have a voice. Allow your imagination to come into play. Be friendly and respect the part, honor this part of your psyche.Ask a simple question, for example... Why are you so sad? How can I help you be happy again? You might be surprised at what insights you gain from this. Keep writing. All the persona is wanting is some form of expression. So the upgrade is about embracing that feeling in a kind, nonjudgmental and respectful way. It's no good abusing the part, that won't get you anywhere.The goal is to ask the right questions and allow the feeling to express itself in words. You will receive answers. Example of a dialogue: Jane: Have you ever felt this sad in Jane's life before? Feeling: yes, when Jane was ten she fell over in her ballet exam and I felt so hurt and stupid. Jane: Oh that's no good, that must have been awful for you. Feeling: Yes I was so embarrassed and humiliated. Jane: What happened Feeling: My friends laughed at me Jane: So you felt embarrassed and humiliated when Jane was ten. And now today you feel the same way? Feeling: Yes, Jane broke up with her boyfriend and all those feelings came flooding back. Get the picture? Give it a go.