But it’s not just our brain structure that changes. When we implement positive habits into our lives, we also change the

You should also monitor the questions you ask yourself. For instance, replacing “Why me?” with “What can I do about this?” will provide you with a sense of control. When you replace such reactive language with more proactive language, it will instil in you a sense of strength, directing you toward corrective action rather than worrying about what you cannot change.

Don’t share every little thing that comes into your head. That’s unnecessary — and a little boring. But don’t brood. If you have a tendency to shut down when you’re stressed, work on being more open. Your partner shouldn’t have to guess that you’re struggling, then tip-toe around you until it passes.

“Willingly” is the key word here. If you’re grumpy, or objectionable, about doing chores or making your contribution, you’re severely undermining it. Doing things grumpily is better than nothing — but not much.

This is code for don’t be (too) negative because it’s hard to live with: it’ll drag your partner down. You don’t have to be Pollyanna-positive but don’t pour ice water on everything. If your partner has a (reasonable) idea say “yes” or “I’ll think about it”. If you truly hate the idea, just shut up for a while.

Of all the emotions, anger is arguably the one that can cause the most pain. We all get angry and frustrated at times, but when it goes into freefall it can cause damage that’s hard to come back from. Having (healthy) strategies for dealing with negative emotions and resolving conflict is critical. If anger is a problem for you personally, or in your relationship, make it your mission to upskill.

Talk about sex — and not just about wanting to have it, or have it more. Find out what your partner likes and doesn’t like. Let them know your preferences. Don’t pressure your partner for sex and never use sex as a weapon to get what you want. If you’re struggling with this one, talk. No matter what stage of your relationship you’re at.

They need help with their resume? They have a technical issue with their laptop? They’ve got a problem at work? They’re overwhelmed with life admin? Ask if you can help. Or just help. Whatever works.

Trail socks/undies/makeup all over the floor, compile “nests” of your stuff all over the house, leave dirty dishes all over the bench, if you must. But be aware it looks like you haven’t got your shit together. Because you haven’t.

Coming up with ideas for things the two of you can do is highly attractive. But it’s not if you want to dominate all your shared time. Make room for your partner to have a say too.

When this kind of internal dialogue goes unchecked, you’re in serious trouble. It is therefore crucial that you reframe this self-talk. For example, words and phrases such as “I can’t,” “If only,” “I must,” or “COVID-19 made me feel that way” should be replaced with proactive language such as “I will,” “I choose to,” and “Let’s look at this another way.”

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Section 230 reform. As I suggested in 1., there is a good argument presented best by Danielle Citron that Section 230 immunity has been judicially interpreted so as to go too far. Some sites, for example, use their users as a shield for what they want to do — for example, a site that clearly and knowingly facilitate illegal weapon sales might operate under the fiction its users are the ones doing the trading and it has no responsibility for any violation of the law. Section 230 wasn’t meant to, and shouldn’t be a means to, in effect, use your users to create a means to avoid the law. Hence it seems logical to deny immunity to sites that “solicit or induce illegal behavior or unlawful content,” and to amend the law to do that.

When your partner has a problem, just be there for them. Listen. Often that’s all they need, just to vent and to know someone’s in their corner while they do it. Don’t rush in with a solution, even if you have a brilliant one. Sit down, turn off your phone, and hear them, first.

Thoughtfulness is easier than pure kindness. Anticipate the little things that might make your partner’s life easier — and do them. Thoughtful rituals and nice surprises are always appreciated.

Have some fun — on your own or when you’re together. People are naturally drawn to those who can see the humorous side of life: they want to be around them. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Travel lightly through life. It’s good for you as well as the one you’re with.

Our lives are defined by what we repeatedly do. These habitual behaviours not only impact our external world — but they determine how we think and feel. As neuroscience shows, these actions also change the shape of our brains.