Like their name suggests, chameleons change their opinions and behaviours to suit the situation. Chameleons make challen

Pleasers are always trying to anticipate and fulfil others’ needs. They feel responsible and guilty when others are unhappy. And they’ll keep giving even when they’re exhausted and resentful because it’s a genuine struggle for them to say no. Pleasers need to learn self-compassion and, if you’re paired with one, you need to help them do so.

Worriers are happiest, and calmest, when life is ticking along as they believe it should and when everyone in their world is doing okay. They like lists and plans — chores to do/what’s for dinner/what’s happening at the weekend — so are often the domestic “organisers”. While this can come across as a little controlling, worriers are often the ones to thank for getting sh*t done.

So after a few weeks, the area of Queens that Rodriguez-Gerada had transformed into a larger than life symbol of the sorrow and heroism of these strange and awful times became a parking lot again. And the world had one less way of remembering those taken by the coronavirus.

Pleasers are the givers in relationships. They’re nurturers, they tend to be innately kind: they’ll go out of their way to look after and keep partners, and any kids, happy — along with anyone else they care about. They’ll sacrifice their own needs, dreams and even their health to serve others which leads other (less-giving) souls to take advantage of them — and that can tip the balance in a relationship.

The Soloist loves, and craves, independence. They may love their partner, and want to be in a relationship, but that doesn’t quell the need for a lot of alone time — or time doing their own thing. They need it to rest and fill up the tank.

Independence only becomes a problem when their need for “me time” leaves their partner feeling alone and unloved in a relationship. If you’re a Soloist you need to keep an honest eye on how your operating style works for your partner. If you’re in a relationship with one, insist on being a priority.

Because Anchors are secure within themselves, they’re in a relationship for pure reasons: because they love and want to be with their partner. They’ll support their partner in whatever they do but they do come with a caveat. They will need their partner to be in charge of their own life; and they won’t be taken for granted or treated poorly. If they are, they’ll walk.

Avoiders struggle with commitment. Even when they’re willingly in a relationship, they’re not 100% In It. They keep one foot out and, sometimes, they’re not even aware they’re doing so. There are several explanations for this. Perhaps they’ve been hurt in a previous relationship and are scared of being burned or rejected again. Maybe they’re not sure of their partner (or anyone). Maybe they want to keep their options open, or they just don’t like (or are scared of) the Forever word. Avoiders can settle down and make good partners though, as long as they have room to breathe — and the door is left open a crack.

Anchors are prized partners because of their emotional maturity. Anchors are not perfect, but they tend to be evolved as people, in that they are grounded, emotionally skilled, non-defensive, independent but not cold, and able to see things from another perspective — which helps in dealing healthily with conflict.

These archetypes are not a scientific classification and they differ from attachment styles (based on attachment theory), in that they’re about relationship behaviour, rather than how we connect with another.

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gave me advice about guys. (I was going through a phase of dating an assortment of fuckboys.) He told me I needed to be more discerning. I gave him advice about women. I thought he was a little too serious and a tad bit judgemental. D and I had lunch together more often than not. If anyone in the office was looking for him, they came to me.

Control is a troublesome word in a relationship. The balance of power is supposed to be even: or at least shared in ways that work for BOTH parties. A controlling partner will want to run the show — always. They’ll keep themselves front and centre in a relationship.

At the more extreme end, a Controller will seek to manipulate their partner’s thoughts, feelings, behaviours and/or even their looks, friends, lifestyle and choices. They may do it in obvious ways — or they may do it indirectly with passive-aggressive behaviours. Hopefully you are able to spot the signs of a controlling partner before you commit. And, if it’s too late for that, you should be looking for the exit door.

The Supporter is a relationship favourite in that they’re consistently there for their partner. They’re often labelled the “rocks” in relationships because they are steady and reliable; they are calm when life turns chaotic. Outwardly they appear “chill” but that’s not always the case: they tend to carry their worry on the inside and may genuinely struggle to express their own feelings. So, if you’re with a Supporter, you have to be sure to look out for them too. Hopefully, we all have a little Supporter in us.

Worriers struggle with uncertainty, so they’re easily distracted by what has happened in the past or what could happen in the future. They need security from their partners (which is fair) and certainty from life (which can’t be guaranteed). But, interestingly, they can be surprisingly solid in a crisis because they function well when busy.